Secret Relationship with Exo Chanyeol

16.

I skipped my last block of the day since there was no way I could even focus in class. It is almost 3:15, the time I told Megan to meet.  My heart is already aching just imagining how torn-apart she will be after I tell her to break up. but... I know I have to. I just have to.

I feel so guity though....  She relies on me a lot and I won't be next to her anymore. I know this is really cruel to just leave someone's life so suddenly. Now when she cries at night because of her parents' death, who will be next to her and comfort her?. Who will be the person to wipe away her tears when she gets emotional watching drama? Who will be the one cheering her up when she messes up on her test? I know for sure....... that it won't be me.

I feel so frustrated that I have to break up with her because Mr. Lee told me to. I hate how weak I am, that I can't even protect what I adore. I hate how I just have to obey because adults say so. I hate how I have to give up on this relationship because I have a dream to chase.

I can hear Megan's footsteps approaching. Her voice is so cute but I guess this might be the last time she will ever talk to me.  I am pretending to be calm and cold but inside. I am slowly dying.  Megan seems to know what I am going to tell her as she keeps avoiding it.  She tries to run away too but I drag her back. I have to tell her today..... The longer I take, the more it is going to hurt her.

"Let's break up. " I finally say it. Her eyes widen and tears run down her cheeks. It is just so heartbreaking seeing it. It is so hard to fight against the urge to wipe away those tears and hug her tightly. "I never liked you. " When I say this, I feel like a knife stabs right through my heart. God knows how much I love her....... I just use this excuse to make her hate me, to make her forget about me. 

She probably thinks I am the biggest jerk on earth right now.  I cant blame her for it of course. I am the worst person on earth, hurting such a nice girl like her. But what else can I do..... I really don't know......

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"Megan, you have to eat something!!!" David looks at me full of worried while passing me a sandwich.

" I'm not hungry. I ate  already. " I look at the sandwich. "Gross." I innerly squeal and throw back the well-wrapped sandwich.

" Stop lying! I bet you lie to your mom again. You told her you would eat dinner outside but you actually don't right?!? You have to stop..............................." I cut him off before he finishes.

"Leave me alone man. I just don't have an appetite. Its just a few kg I am losing -_- I wanted to start a diet long time ago anyways. Now can you calm down so I can take a nap QUIETLY?!"

I know I am eating really little but I just can't help it. I just don't feel like eating. My weight has been dropping pretty significantly. I lst 3kg in 3 days. According to David, it is extremely dangerous and I can die from it. I think he's just overreacting.  The hunger just distracts me from thinking about Chanyeol.  David calls this "punishing own body" but I just find it so satisfying to see the number drop. Yeah I am a bit insane. But eh this at least keep me away from thinking about him. I have been avoiding him in the school recently. Luckily we don't have any class together so it isn't too difficult. The only problem is when we have to switch classes during break. I always see him. Sometimes he's alone; sometimes he is with his friends. I pretend not to see him and walk right pass by him. He does the same too, which breaks my heart a little every time. We are strangers, with memories.

Math class just started and Mr. Cheung started yelling at us for our last quiz mark. Apparently the class average is 60%. Mine was pretty bad too. 74%... Chanyeol always tutor me before tests. Ha that explains. He is such a smart ass. I sometimes get frustrated that he is so smart while I on the other hand... yeah..... When I complained to him how unfair it is, he would always chuckle and pinch my cheeks,
"You are smart too. Maybe just not academically ." and then I would glare at him plus smack him in the head :). Sigh I miss him..

1 months

I wake up as usual on a school day. Half-awaked, I turn on my wifi to check messages from Chanyeol. No message. The it suddenly hits me. Right...... we broke up....... Of course he wouldnt message me.

I stare at my empty inbox and laugh bitterly. I really need to get used to this eh....  The emptiness and the loneliness....  A drop of tear roll down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away. It's been a month now. Somehow I still can't get over him. His presense is like engraved ingraved in my heart, so deep that I cant remove it. I shouldn't have let him into my heart so easily.... If I had just been a little more careful, maybe it wouldn't hurt this bad. 

I open my facebook and guess what's the first post I see. Chanyeol and this very popular girl's selfie. She has her head lean against his shoulder.

"Get the fk off my man you bitch!" I jump up from my bed and yell. That bitchhhh. Oh wait, I dont have the right to be jealous anymore. He is not mine now... ugh but I still cant help but to feel jealous. This feeling sucks...  Not having the right to feel jealous . I enlarge the photo and start analyzing it carefully. Yeah this might sound really creepy but this is just how I am :). With my FBI skills, I figure they went volunteering together. Chanyeol even commented on the photo "Yah why did you post an ugly photo of me *pout*".

THIS GUY!!! IS HE FLIRTING WITH ANOTHER GIRL?! Anger......... and sadness... He looks so happy, so happy without me... Why am I still hanging on.. I laugh bitterly.

If this is how you want to play, I take it :))

Hehe an update after awhile.. What do you guys think?? I'm writing base on my personal experience so XDD comment and vote please :)) i feel so touched when you guys say things to me.