What's So Special?

Worries

"Hey can I use the phone?" I asked the nurse. 

"I'm sorry, you can't leave to room until you've signed those papers" She pointed her pen in the direction of the papers that had been sitting on the table next to me for hours. I sighed and picked up the clipboard. A part of me felt so much better, so much relief was taken from that experience, and the problems that I didn't notice I had before went away. But there was still some emotional wreckage. I had finally realized what my problem was after being so affected by the loss of water in my body. I was restored, and I was finally able to think straight. Which led to me remembering, I slept with Roger. That's not ok, you slept with him. I wasn't so terribly upset, but something about me was off, and my mood was slipping. 

Some time passed as everything around me was processed, and they told me to be very careful and drink plenty of water and all that crap. I was finally out and (physically) feeling so much better. I had to take a cab back to my flat, and from there I was planning on calling Freddie. 

I got home and tried calling him right away, but there was no answer. As bummed as I was, I still managed to pull it together. But there was the affair, the tour, no answer from Freddie, and I expected myself to be worse. Nothing like some Hendrix could make me feel better, but I was still a mess. Maybe there's just no way of fixing anything. 

Sunday, October 21

I couldn't believe it, not one word from Freddie came along. When I laid down to go to sleep I imagined him surprising me in the morning, but I didn't sleep and he didn't come. Tons of times, I told myself it was nothing to worry about, but I still worried like crazy. 

I racked up a good excuse for talking to Freddie, so I had to get ready. I dressed myself nicely, and it reminded me of when I first met him. I haven't felt very pretty in such a long time, and it made me feel somewhat better. I kept a bottle of water with me as I drove to his house, because I was freaking out about every little thing.

I knocked on his door with confidence, awaiting the moment that he would take me in his arms for a sweet moment and apologize.