Dad? [zayn malik ddm fanfiction]

Chapter 17// Scars

*Slight trigger warning, please don't read if you will be triggered*

I looked over at my dad, who was asleep with one of the airplane blankets on him, and then back at my forearms. I pulled up my sleeve and traced the scars of all the cuts I had made.

It baffles me just how much life has changed since then. When I was cutting, I thought there wouldn't be any hope to gain back my father in my life, I thought and partially knew that Anna would always get her way, if dad hadn't changed, I would probably still be cutting. If it were to never change, then I would most likely be dead. I still have thoughts in my head that shouldn't be there.

I still think I'm worthless. And a mistake of a child.

Nothing out of the ordinary there.

I always tend to think about what I did in the past to upset him, and it sometimes scares me that I might do that again one day and he will stop loving me again.

Worthless. That's all I am.

A mistake of a child. I've only now had a chance to be alone and think to myself.

What if when we get back home things will go back to what they used to be? I don't want to be alone again, I hate being alone. I hate Anna. I hate this world. I hate the past. I'm most likely going to hate the future.

I hate me.

I started scratching at my wounds, not even noticing the pain.

"Roxy what are you doing?"

I jumped and pulled down my sleeve, "nothing, I thought you were sleeping?" I asked.

"I woke up. Is everything okay love? You can talk to me you know?" he asked grasping my forearm softly and pulling the sleeve up.

"I'm.. I'm fine." I said holding back a sob.

"Babe I know your mind isn't in an okay state right now, please talk to me." He said staring at my scars.

I let a few tears slip and shook my head.

He tilted his head down and placed his lips on my scarred skin.

He kissed every single scar on my arm.

"I'm sorry" I sobbed out.

"why are you apologizing doll?"

"Because I upset you so much when I was younger, I shouldn't be on this trip with you dad I don't deserve it, Anna should be here."

He looked at me with pure shock, "Rochelle, I was being a complete fool when you were younger, I shouldn't have acted the way I did towards you, no child ever should be neglected by their father, no child should ever be made fun of and bullied by their own sibling and cousins. Anna has no right to be on this trip, she's hurt you for years and she deserves to be punished."

"What if you abandon me again? I know as soon as we get back home she'll do everything she can to get you away from me, she'll start making lies again about things I've never did. She's going to take you away from me dad, and your going to hate me again." I sobbed out again wiping my eyes.

"Roxy, look at me," he says and gently grabs my face so we are both looking at each other in the eyes.

"That isn't going to happen, I'm going to talk to you mother about somethings, I've been thinking of putting Anna in boarding school and having her live at the school and only come home for holidays, I'm not sure what's going to happen as of right now but I will make sure something happens okay? I love you so so much my beautiful little princess." He brings me into a tight hug and I hug him back as he kisses my head.

"I have ugly scars. I'm not beautiful dad," I whimper.

"Your gorgeous with those beautiful scars, don't you ever let someone tell you different" he whispers.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

He looks down at me, "Say your beautiful, it's the truth."

"No"

"Yes"

"Please pop rox?"

"Fine"

"Your beautiful"

"I'm beautiful."