Dad? [zayn malik ddm fanfiction]

Chapter 20 // Here We Go

 As  we  boarded our flight back to London I began thinking about the future and how it would turn out.  I've never been a materialistic person, and my father knows that.  He has know since I was born that buying my affection would never work. Some people may think that he is buying my affection in this manner by taking me on tour with him. I don't think so. 

I can see all of the memories that we are going to make. All of the lost time will be forgotten. And maybe this time, my heart will finally heal.

My father snapped me out of my thoughts as he questioned me, "You okay doll?"

"Yeah i'm fine dad, just thinking." I said.

"About what?" he asked.

"About all the memories we are going to make. About how i'll finally be happy and at peace. I just needed a break from everything to be quite honest. Right before this trip I felt so defeated and wondered if it was a dream that you had a change of heart. "

He looked at me surprised and upset, "How come you never told me? or your mom? Roxy I know I was being an idiot before I realized my mistake but you could always come to me if your were depressed."

"I tried to. You just wouldn't let me in. Dad there's a lot that I still haven't told you yet for certain reasons. You found out one of my secretes already; we all know how that went." I responded to him as we sat in our seats and buckled up.

"What do you mean I've already found out one of your secretes already? I don't think I have" he said.

"You really don't remember?" 

"No i'm sorry love but I don't think I do." 

"Then let me remind you." I said as I pulled up my sleeves of my sweater. Healed over cuts were scattered all up and down my arms. My father stared at my forearms in horror.

"Now do you remember?" I asked rolling down my sleeves.

"I..I..Was that because of me?" he asked with tears rolling down his face.

I couldn't break his heart like this. It would hurt him to much. But I don't want to lie to him either. There are many reasons for the scars on my arms, only half of them were about him.

"Some of them were but not all of them. Other people had their effects." I responded quietly. He began to sob quietly as tears ran down my face.

He covered his face with his hands.

"Dad please don't cry. Please." I said as I hugged him tight. 

"What did you mean when you said others had their effects?" he sniffled.

"I'll tell you later about them if you please stop crying. I hate seeing you cry. You deserve to be happy dad, don't cry over me." I said softly as I rubbed his back mid-hug.

"Promise to tell me about whoever the other cuts are about?" he asks, sitting up and wiping his eyes.

"I promise." 

Dad stopped crying and looked at me. He grabbed my arms gently and rolled up my sleeves again. 

"If you ever feel like this is the only option ever please come to me okay? please come to me when you feel this way okay? I will always be here for you whenever you need me. No more of this hiding away your feelings because if do this again and I loose you forever I will never forgive myself for not helping you when you needed it most. I love you so much doll, I'm never leaving out in the cold like that ever again." 

Now it was my turn to cry. Tears streamed down my face as I nodded my head with a smile. He pulled me into a long loving hug. We stayed like that until it was time for the plane to take off. 

He looked at me and opened his mouth as if he were going to say something.

"What is it?" I asked concerned. 

"Whenever your ready to tell me whoever made you feel like that, I'll be here okay? I don't want you to hide this from me. As soon as we find the roots of the problem then we can find a way to fix the problem." he spoke to me in his dad voice. Some thing I has always longed for. 

" Well, you already have one root in custody, courtesy of mom." I told him. 

"Anna?" 

"Yup. Dad there's a lot I have to tell you about Anna. And James. And Jacob. Not too much about Tommy though.. He helped me through some of this."

"What about them?"he asked concerned now as to why I was not only saying my sisters name but my "cousins" names now too.

"Whenever I'm at school; or was at school. Anna, James, Jacob and Tommy used to bully me-"

"THEY WHAT!?" he yelled so that all of the air line attendants were looking at us.

"Shh! Let me finish please." he kept quiet signalling me to continue.

"As the days went on James, Jacob and Anna continued to get worse, the comments about my weight, the insults grew to punches and pushing me against the lockers and cornering me. During most of the times when I was pinned to a Locker while they hurt me, Tommy stood in the background. I saw it in his face. He knew what they were doing was wrong. He came to me the night you and mom found out I was cutting and apologized for everything he did to me. And i accepted his apology."

Dad took a minute not to get up and smash something. 

"Your telling me that your sister and cousins were bullying you this entire time?" he asked angrily. 

I looked down at my lap,scared he was mad at me, "yes.. I'm sorry I didn't tell you.."

He noticed the look in my eyes and his mood changed instantly, " Baby girl, I'm not mad at you for not telling me. I'm mad at those fucktards who think it's okay to hurt their youngest cousin. I'm no way mad at you for anything my love." he pulled me in for another hug and kissed my head.

"Okay.. what are you going to do though? about them?" I asked.

" I'm going to tell their father and just so they believe me, you can tell them you side too, and we will see where that takes us. Are you okay with telling them and talking about this again?" he asked.

"I'll be fine about talking about it. It doesn't bother me anymore. But.."

"but what love?"

"Can Tommy be there? I really miss him.. I haven't seen him in awhile."

"Of course love. We're going to do this at the studio tomorrow, I'll message all of your uncles when we get off the plane. I have a question for you." 

"what's your question?" I asked.

"Do you by any chance like Tommy? I know you guys call each other cousins and whatnot but you aren't technically blood related at all. With you telling me that he didn't hurt you, I'm thinking that he likes you."

"Dad" I droned on, "I feel like that would be weird if I liked him. I'm just warming up to him again because of all the drama. I'm not sure." I said.

"That's alright love, We're just going to take things one step at a time." he said as he leaned back in his chair and pulled me to his chest, "Let get some sleep, I love you." he said as he kissed my head and closed his eyes.

"I love you too Dad."