Picture a thousand emo crickets externally screaming for hours with seals clapping in the back, and The Wiggles performing "Hot Potato" for endless hours. That's how feels are. What's even worse is that I'd do anything to let the person I have affections (feels) for KNOW how I feel, but something's holding me back, and I'm s~u~f~f~e~r~i~n~g. It's okay though. I like feels. I have a love/hate relationship with feelings.
I like feelings because it makes me realize that I'm human and humans have these "emotions", but I hate them because emOTIONS SUCKS. LISTEN, WHO WANTS TO HAVE WATER POURING OUT OF THEIR EYES JUST BECAUSE THE PERSON YOU LIKE DID SOMETHING REALLY CUTE???? Just scrolling on Instagram, minding your own business, liking a picture of a golden retriever and Harry Styles, then BAM. The person you like posted something (let's call him Swagmaster-3000). Your heart decides to shift its gears into REVERSE, turns on your hazard lights, pops open the hood of the car, drives 113 MPH (BACKWARDS), paRALLEL PARKS BETWEEN TWO BOMBS, accidentally backs up too far against the front bomb so you explode, then does a flip. You then freak out. What Swagmaster-3000 posted was stupid, so you're laughing at it for 10 minutes. Then now what? Should I double-tap it, or click on the heart? Should I comment a laughing emoji, or should I use words? Or should I not do anything at all? DO SOMETHING?? OR NOT DO SOMETHING??
Then your phone dies. R.I.P.
Thanks for the applause and standing ovation y'all. Appreciate it.
It gets way worse when you're on your monthly and I ain't talking about the bleeding part. You see, it's also the time where your so-called "friends" aka HORMONES come out and play. It's normal to have hormones, but during this special time, everything intensifies. Let me give you an example.
*NOT TIME OF THE MONTH*
You find a spider the size of a golf ball in the kitchen. It's 3 A.M. so you can't make any ruckus in fear of your family hearing that you're hungry in the wee hours of the morn. The 8-legged creature is hecka scary, so obviously, you gotta kill it. It could come back to bite you while you're sleeping, and since you're unknowledged on spiders, you automatically think its venom could kill you. You find a box, work up some determination to kill it, run over to the spider zone, and slam the box onto the spider as hard as possible. It's dead. You walk away, feeling accomplished and now have something to put on your resume.
*TIME OF THE MONTH*
Same scenario happens. Except this time, you're heavily bleeding out of your mouth that is not on your face!! You spot the spider, so you try to kill it with a box. Building up the courage, you slam the box on the spider. You feel extremely proud that you killed a creature that could kill your entire family. BUT WAIT. You burst out into tears, which leads to sobs, which leads to hysterically bawling (yes, there's different levels of crying) (we may have a chapter on that so keep reading). I bet you're wondering, "Why am I crying?" Hmm, good question. Let's go ask our friends from the endrocrine system. BRB.
Okay back. They said that you started thinking about how the spider could be a mother, so you were like, "Wait, what if I just killed a mother that was trying to get food back to its children," and then started tearing up and then was like, "what if I killed a husband that was getting back to his wife and kids," and then the tears turned into sobs and you were like,"oh my gosh, I'm a MURDERER, I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE," and then the hysteria begins.
Get what I mean?
Honestly, all I want to do is scream it all out. I would do it right now, but it would seem like someone's getting murdered in the middle of the woods and it'd just be too chaotic. I'll stick with trying to explain this.
Maybe how people handle things is the reason for feels. Like usually, you'll know right away if y'all both (or more, I don't judge here) like each other. Now, we have to go through all these court cases in order to find out who's guilty. There's many stages in "Just Talking", "What Are We????", "BF/GF", "...wyd", "OMG Is He Going To Propose?" and etc. The stage that I think I'm in is the friendzone. I guess we're best friends? I'm not even sure if Swagmaster-3000 considers us friends. I'll find out later. Basically, I've had multiple daydreams and feels about this person, and I'm thankful that they don't acknowledge that it's them. They think that I don't like them, so it's possible they could not like me, BECAUSE I don't "like" them. Get what I mean? If that's the case, should I tell them? What if I spill out all of my feelings to them, then if I don't get the reaction I wanted, I can just just be like, "lol i'm just jokin' i played u fam." BUT. But. but. butts.
A thousand things could go wrong. What if every blade of grass in the world just immediately set on fire after I tell them my feelings? What if God Himself, decides to strike a lightning bolt on me, as a sign to not pursue my dreams of snuggling Swagmaster-3000? What if every dog decides to eat every chocolate bar in the world, after I bring up the ~*~*~*FEELS*~*~*~? What if Donald Trump wins the presidential election the second I spill it all out on the table? What if Harry Styles gets a buzzcut when I get the courage to tell what my heart wants to say? What if Hitler rises back from the dead, to retrieve his other testicle so he can have power when I approach my boo? What if the final original Wiggle dies, so we're forced to have a new, ugly, generation Wiggle when I bring forth my true powers? What if someone went back in time, assassinated Steve Jobs before he could invent anything, came back, and I wouldn't be able to speak to Swagmaster-3000? What if every tree produced carbon and oxide so we'd all get carbon monoxide poisoning while I say "Hi?" I hope I got my point across. I should sleep.
Pip pip cheerio.
