What If: He Died.

Haunting Me.

[Esme's Point of View, of course.]

20 years agonizing years had passed since my beloved Carlisle's death, and I still wasn't over it. My love for him, frozen, just like me. I live in a small cottage off from the new main house we brought after moving from Ashland, I wanted to go there. It made me feel close to when I met Carlisle. But since moving here I wanted my own space from the kids. They were dealing with Carlisle and Jasper, even Alice being gone much better than I was. I just wanted Alice to tell me I would get better. 

I had already set out my plan for this week I have a job interview at the local primary school, Carlisle would be proud of me. I started to set out my house, Forks High School gave me a gorgeous picture of Carlisle they had found after they learned of their beloved doctor dying suddenly of a brain bleed, after being hit in the head with a trunk of tree. What a great lie? This time I had just lost my husband to a car accident. So I hung that picture up, as I had it enlarged up in my living room wall. My room had our wedding photos all over. I know he would want me to move on, but I can't I couldn't move on.

-------------------------

The next morning went smoothly for me, I still found myself in a small routine of speaking to Carlisle. "You'd be starting your new doctor's job, soon." I whispered, until I saw Edward at the door. 

"Care to come out, with Emmett and I and Bella? Ness is going to decorate with Rose," spoke Edward. How did he know I needed company?

"Your thoughts Mom, they're pretty depressive. I miss him too." Edward admitted. "A lot. I don't want to go to school, I want to be 20 and passed med school early, and be a doctor. I have the degree. I want to do something for him, show him how much I appreciated him for this life... I never really told him until the night before..." he stopped. I saw that pain in his eyes, I saw when he'd look at me sometimes. His eyes travelled around the room and noticed the photo of him and I noticed him walk over and whisper, "I love you, Dad." 

He turned to me, and I grabbed my keys. "I won't long, beloved." And walked out the door, Edward following behind me. "I think being a doctor would do you some good," I added to the thought process. "Your father, would be very proud of you." It's true, I knew he would be. I am. 

"He would be of you, too." spoke Edward. "Those kids will love you." 

If I could find that happiness again, I muttered in my head.

"You promised Carlisle, you would." spoke Edward. "Don't let him down." 

I miss him. As we reached the car, Emmett gave me a bear hug and I smiled just a little and Rose kissed my cheek and Renesmee smiled, "I love you grandma." 

"Love you too, all of you." I spoke, Bella smiled, "You can have front seat with Edward." 

I smiled slightly and got in, and Edward instinctively took my hand. I looked at it, and smiled, feeling a little bit of ease. If Jasper was here, it'd be better.

"Then we'd still have Alice, as well." spoke Edward. Looking at her as he began to drive. Emmett spoke softly with Bella. 

Carlisle wants me to find someone. 

"You will, when that time comes. It's not time yet, definitely not. You have him all over your house, I get why. But sometime that will have to come down to just one picture." 

I don't think I can take them down just yet. Edward squeezed my hand, I just can't bare to be in a place where he isn't present. 

"We put up a picture of him in the lounge, along with a picture of Alice and Jasper." spoke Edward.

I want to know where she is, so bad.

"I will find out, I'll have my source in Italy spy about the Volterra, since Sulpicia has taken the reigns; she may have happily killed Alice." 

Don't say that!

"Edward!" Bella growled. "Don't say that, we don't need anymore grief. Losing Carlisle and Jasper is enough on one family." 

"It's enough on a mate to want to still live after losing their mate, we're still lucky too." explained Edward. 

I don't want to be here at times. I never really feel in place now, Carlisle was always my place. My safe place, though Charles is gone I am terrified other men will be like him. 

"And I'll kill them, just like I killed Charles." spoke Edward. "No one will lay a hand on you mother, if they do I'll tear them to shreds."

No you won't.

"I will so, no questions asked. I promised Carlisle." he spoke.

When?

"In 1926 when I returned. He asked, if there was a case in his death that to watch out for you, to never abandon you. Not for anything. And that if you found someone or anyone treated you badly, he permitted that I murder them with brutality that way he will still be looking out for you. And I intend to fulfil that promise. He vowed me as his son, and as his son and yours, I will look out for you. So any guy I see treat you badly gets a warning and then they're dead if they don't learn. I will not feed off them, just kill them." 

But Carlisle isn't a murderer. 

"He is when it comes to you." spoke Edward.

What do you mean? He would never kill a human. 

"When I went rogue, my first victim was Charles. Carlisle turned up just as I was leaving, he swore me to secrecy that he was not there, he was only going to confront him. But his thoughts said otherwise. Carlisle loved you so much, he wanted to feed off him slowly and painfully just as you had gone through." spoke Edward. "In my first few years before you came along, he thought of a girl he met when she was 16 years old. And when you showed up in our home, and he turned you...  I was mad until he said that you were that girl chasing that cat. He remembered you." 

Vampire's don't forget. 

"But he can compartmentalize who to remember and who to just let go, and if he has to remember he just needs to think through that folder in his head. He didn't compartmentalize you." explained Edward.

Why am I finding all this out now? About him and Charles? Just makes me want him here even more, to thank him for such kindness. 

"I want him back," spoke Esme. 

"We all do," spoke Bella. "One day you'll be able to think of him without pain, in time it will get easier." 

Bella was kind, but I doubt that it would get better. How could it? Carlisle was not here. I had no one to hold at night, I could not ever see that beautiful face of his, I could never see that blond hair no more and certainly his voice. I would think of more, but Edward is in the car. 

Next:::
Shopping

Interview

Deeks.