The New Boy •[Phan]•

Not What You Thought

Dan's POV

Phil and I had done what we were set to do, I stayed at his place for the rest of our school years until adult life hit me hard in the head. Wait, no. That's still Shane. Anyway the point is, graduation was only a few months away and seeing as Phil had planned out his future on paper, here I was with a blank canvas and a head full of dreams. That's the thing, I'd dream a lot about what I wanted to do but when I came to try it out, a massive cross would appear next to it, leaving me not very many options left. I tried art, photography and woodwork to football, cricket, even water polo. None of it I was cut out for. I leaned back against the sofa in the lounge of Phil's house, cracking my back and then my neck.
"Dan! Stop doing that!" Phil shouted from the doorway to the kitchen, holding two mugs of coffee. I ignored Phil's unsure words and sat straight again.
"What are you looking at?" Phil asked, walking over and placing the mugs on the table next to where my feet were propped up, to then take a seat next to me.
"My life" I responded and scrolled down the page slowly.
"If I don't choose what I want to do with my life then I can't succeed at all" I said simply.
"Look babe, I know that you're struggling and you're so stressed these days so please can you ditch the laptop for a day? I wanna go somewhere" Phil whined, stroking my arm soothingly. Truth was, he was right. He knew how stressed I got over stuff like this and I never put down the computer. Plus it has been a while since we did anything together like went out on a date or something.
"Yeah okay, let's do something" I announced, logging off the computer and placing it to the side.
"I'm taking this.." Phil said, picking up the laptop and carrying it to the breakfast bar. I stood up from our sofa and stretched out then I walked over towards Phil and hugged him tightly.
"What do you wanna do then?" I asked him.
"I don't know, go on a walk?" He asked, his arms still placed on my shoulders whilst mine were hanging lightly round his waist.
"Okay, let's go" I said and kissed him on the cheek, sliding my hand into his and leading him towards the front door.

~In The Park~

"Hey, Dan, do you ever wonder how your parents are doing like, you haven't talked to them for two years; almost three" Phil brought up.
"Why would I have to worry about them when I have you?" I asked, smirking playfully.
"Shut up, I'm being serious" Phil blushed.
"I guess but still, they didn't accept me. Maybe I was a little harsh but can you blame me? My mum ordered me to leave!" I stated, letting fears rush through my mind. There was a comfortable silence as we just listened to the birds chirp in the trees whilst Phil's head rested on my shoulder, along with our hands connected and a gentle breeze drifting by, causing my hair to waft upward. Phil sighed.
"Dan?" He started.
"Mmhm?" I hummed, resting my head against his.
"I love you" Phil said, closing his eyes and sinking into my touch mere inches away. I sighed contently, a smile tugging at my lips.
"Love you too" I finished, closing my eyes too and squeezing his hand assuringly. It was nice to get away from the laptop to spend more time with Phil. We liked being couple-y because our feeling for each other were very strong like a padlock locking away personal secrets. But there was something more to Phil. He wasn't just a person to me he was much more, he played a bigger role than any other person could play. A guardian angel maybe? He obviously is an angel to me. Truth being I found Phil breathtakingly cute and adorable, that's why I fell for him in the first place but to then know his personality, that was...something else. His always positive attitude, his helpful persona where he thinks of others needs and just the amount of love he's willing to give. It's too much to bare but I'm one lucky guy to experience this type of love with the person only my fantasies would dream about...

But this is the saddest part. He'll only be in my fantasies. Everything seems real but when reality kicks in, I'm still the same old closeted, shy boy with no friends and no boyfriend. For when I open my eyes from dreaming, his picture burns away into tiny ashes lit on fire.

Would people buy it if I say, "I always see him in my dreams?" No? Of course not. Because that's all he will be. Phil in my dreams is just another realm I'd like to live in rather than a place that acquires a lot of dreaming, drugs and alcohol to send me to dreamland. Shane wasn't even real. I'm homeschooled so Shane was just another person to add to "dreamland."

Prescriptions from doctors help my schizophrenia sometimes but they mostly say it's untreatable. My parents know and send me to have mental health sessions every Thursday, it was working until I felt too lonely therefore creating Phil again.

I wish this wasn't just in my head..

Now don't cry how this is ending, even though sad. Just know that some place Daniel Howell is internally mad.

(A/N Please don't kill me how this ends, I wanted it to be sad anyway :))))) but otherwise, thank you for reading I might do an alternate ending if this chapter gets 20 votes *nudge nudge wink wink*)