Insanity

Prologue -

Insanity is freedom you see. with sanity you have too many morals,

therefore; You are not free. Do as your true self want's or needs.

Your true self may be; relentless, carefree, caring, nurturing,

or none of the above.

You could have a conditioned heart, that beats with pain or suffering. You could be Innocent like a child, running free and humming kind songs to elder's...

Or, You could be a curse to the world, an ominous aura wafting around like the sent of death.

These are the last words that my mother uttered to me... Before she herself, went insane....

-------------------------------

"No, Mom! Stop! Stop it, stop it!" the small boy cried out. "Your gonna cut yourself! Stop! Please!" The scared little boy screamed at his Mother.

"I'm sorry, Jacob, I'm so sorry.."

She said back to the boy of only five. " take good care of your sister, okay? I'll be watching over you." that's when he went over to the corner and cried, unable to stop watching his own Mother cut her fingers off one by one, and her toes, and her legs, ears, left arm, then she started to cut lines down her waist, face and chest, causing blood to cascade down her body until she was covered in crimson red.

-------------------------------

Jacob

It's been about, twelve years, since my Mother cut herself up in front of me, it's been hard, my sister and I got separated a year afterwords and I still feel responsible, she was only three.

And now i'm doing practically the same thing I did when my Mother was cutting herself up, and playing with her own blood; I was curled up in a corner hiding my face, although this time, I'm not crying. My Mom was among a tiny number of people in the world known to have congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis, or CIPA, and after a while she would start hurting herself on purpose to see if she could feel something -anything- and after she found out she would never feel anything, she couldn't take it anymore.

anyway back to why i'm in a corner cowering at the age of seventeen - and being a boy. Well, I have been thinking about my Mom a lot lately, and when I do, lets just say I got a little too meany of her genes, I look a lot like her too, with black hair, green eyes, high cheek bones and I also have the same birth-mark as she did: it was like a arrow-head on the right shoulder.

"Hey, are you okay?" Asked my best friend; Sterling, he was sitting at my desk in my apartment, I lived a little west of Golden Heights, he had a slip-on hoodie, black jeans and a ballcap. "Is there something wrong? You seem space-y."

I shook my head no, the last time I spoke, smiled, or laughed with someone, was 11 years ago, after my Mother killed herself.

I'm really not sure how we became friends, since I'm practically emotionless, besides, I live alone, like an alien.

"I still don't understand why you don't speak, it's not smart to bottle up all of your emotions."

I just stared at him for a minute, as if telling him; 'your the one who came here, I didn't exactly invite you'.

"I know you didn't invite me. Just stop sulking, it doesn't suit you."

I kept staring at him pointedly.

"Okay, stop staring at me it's creepy... Please! Alright, fine I'll just leave."

I immediately looked away from him making a little tiny noise, akin to a wimper, just audible to him, I didn't want to be alone, whenever I'm alone I think, and keep thinking and thinking.

"Did you just make a noise?!"

Oh no, he's freaking out! I knew he would. We've known each other for about three months now, I have come close to saying a few words... It didn't happen though.

"So that's what your voice sounds like, well, vaguely anyway."

I glanced back at him thinking again. 'What if I did speak to him? Would he hate me? My head is mainly filled with either, my Mom or things other people find vulgar, like how she died, or how they, or I, might'.

"Why don't you talk? I want to understand. Please?"

It was barely under a whisper although I still heard it and it made me feel bad, too, and so

I decided to speak to, only, and I mean ONLY, this man.

"...... I-I..... Ha-haven't........ Sp-spo-spoken-ken... For t-twelve, years." He had such a bewildered look on his face it was hard not to laugh, so I did, I started laughing, hoarsely, though I still did.

"What makes you want to tell me?" asked Sterling, walking towards me.

"I-I can't k-keep up with y-you while you keep j-jabbering on a-and on."I said while looking at him.

"I still can not get over the fact you're talking to me right now." I stood up and began to pace the room with my head between my hands 'I can can't stop thinking about my mom' I thought to myself. "Hey are you okay? Why do you keep muttering Mom?" I immediately stopped and looked at him.

"D-Did I just say that out-out loud? I-I did di-didn't I." I stared at him looking bewildered, he looked back at me with the same expression as if he did not mean to hear me speak.

"Yeah, you did. Seriously, are you okay?" I looked away and thought for a moment 'should I tell him about my mom, about myself?' "Did your Mom... pass away?" he asked me, hesitantly.

"W-W-Worse, m-much, much, w-worse." I started to pace the floor again, with my head between my hands... I couldn't... Stop... thinking.

"Why... Worse?" He said again, hesitant.

"S-she... K-Killed, her-herself... She pr-practically, m-made me, w-watch h-her d-die."

--------------------------------

Cliffhanger! muahaha! this is a new story based kind of off of Dear Insanity! I love that story soo much! ^.^

(Logan Lerman as Jacob)

pic of Jacob on side>>

-- Shadow --