Jason List
I sat atop my bed, looking around my chaotic surroundings. The bed was in disarray, lamps were knocked over on the hard wood flooring, glass pieces scattered on the ground. The window was open, cold air was seeping into the room. Clothes sprawled on the floor. I wrapped my naked body in a torn sheet.
Last night, became a complete blur of kissing, fighting, break-ups, and after everything sex. I remember him coming home and kissing me with such lust, I couldn’t give the same amount. He then became enraged with me, and accused me of sleeping with another man. I stared him in the face, looking over his body, smelling the alcohol on his breath. I told him to get out, and he pushed me into a wall. His dark hair wild and his forehead creased with agitation. I got up and punched him with a force I didn’t know was within me, and sent him into the glass bedroom door, breaking it into pieces. I started going through his drawers, and throwing his clothes out the window. Daniel jumped on my back, and threw me to the ground. From there I just remember his hot breath on my lips, and blacking out from the sudden ecstasy.
The air began to grow thick around my throat. I was alone for five years after my parents kicked me out for being homosexual, and I became depressed. I tried several attempts to end my life, feeling unwanted and unloved. Soon I was dragged into a life of pornography, and gambling. I made thousands, and quit my job at Raging Stallion pornographic studios. For about six months I was a local A-Lister. I was at a summer swimsuit fashion show, and watched as a man walked down the catwalk sporting a sliver Speedo. I waited until after the show and waited for the man, we had dinner that night. That man was Daniel; he saved me from making more life-threatening mistakes. For almost five years, now he has kept me on my feet. Knowing if he left me, loneliness will bring me back to square one. I fought the tears back, trying to remember the good times we shared.
Tears came anyway, like an overflowing cup of water. The hushed feeling within the house laughed at me. The grey clouds outside covered the sun; bringing its unforeseen events picking away the flesh of road kill.
“Daniel!” I cried, wanting him more than ever to come and just hold me.
I was done crying after a minute and gathered my emotions back together. I went to clean myself up and found a pair of black briefs in the kitchen, and slipped them on. I walked to the bathroom hearing the pit-pattering of the shower hitting the floor. I stepped into the steamy room, Daniels head to turn towards me as he continued to clean himself. I watched through the transparent shower curtain, Daniels hands slide on his soapy skin, cleaning his own body without me.
“Jason, we need to talk about last night,” Daniels’ voice sounded like a whisper above running water. He always was the one to take the first stance and clear the elephant in the room.
I wiped the steamy mirror over the sink and stared at my cream-colored face. “There is no need for words to be exchanged. We just need time apart,” I said with the most sincerity I could muster.
“Listen I was just angry- and drunk, I didn’t mean what I said. I’m sorry I-”
“Stop there, Daniel”, I said, my voice spotted with anger. “I love you but when you accuse me of sleeping with other man, then trust is lost.”
I could see the disappointed look cross his face. He turned the water off. In the mirror I watched as he stepped out of the shower dripping water on the floor. He seemed to glow like a god in the midst of the steam. Stepping towards me, His muscular body, short black hair, and small goatee, made me hot with passion.
“Those are my briefs you’re wearing, you know that right?” he said, pointing to the black briefs I was wearing.
“I couldn’t find mine.” I responded, knowing he was straying from the topic.
“Did you look by the couch?” he stepped closer to me. The bass in his strong voice, showed when he was sensual.
“Can you please stick to the subject at hand you insolent twit?!” I wasn’t in the mood, for his foolishness, I turned around to face him.
“Do you really want give p on us?” he asked.
I wanted to say no but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. “I don’t know what to think Daniel, but-” he shushed me, bringing his damp fingers to my lips. Daniel wrapped his hands around my waist bringing me close to his naked body.
“But, nothing,” he rubbed his palms over my chest. It made me bite my lip once he touched my spot.
I love him for all he has done for me, and that meant so much. I tried telling myself I don’t need him and his love to survive, but he looked me straight in the eyes. I always believed that when we kissed they somehow aligned perfectly, and that helped to remember why I loved him.
I felt his hands on the band of the briefs, slowly pulling them off of my body. “Tell me, you want to grow old together with me.”
“Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future,” I pushed him off of me putting space between him and myself.
He looked at me funny, turning my emotional pain into his sexual lure. “Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the stitches, Jason” Daniel knew my background; he knew I was emotionally broken and weak. That night when I had dinner with him and I took him up to my apartment, he mended it. He been stitching it up with his love, and affection that he expressed towards me. I had college education and they never thought you how love like this, just treat others how you want to be treated. I never was loved, so I don’t know how to and he is teaching me.
He caressed my face, and I felt his horny body on mine and we went to have sex. Near the middle of it all, upside down, I caught a glimpse out of the window, the gray sun casting its ominous light on the floor.
“Jason,” Daniel pleaded, “I’m almost done”
“Hold on, one second” I got up to peer out the balcony window and saw downtown Los Angeles in disarray. Cars were stopped in the middle of the street, covered in dust. The water fountain across the street was no longer a pristine white, but dirt brown. Windows were broken and the streetlights reflected of the glass shards below.
“Can’t I ever top you off-without distractions like usual.” He came up behind me and looked outside too. I felt him shrink back from the window, and saw his reflection in the dirty window sit on the bed. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, “Jason, what the hell happened last night?”
