Play Date (Boy×Boy/Yaoi)

SOLILOQUY 2: EIICHI

SOLILOQUY 2: EIICHI

Why am I doing this? I mean... Never did I became so desperate. But, what can I do. I think I'm going crazy. Either which, I'd end up crazy.

How can I have these feelings for Hansuke, when I am clearly, still in love with Akira. But, Akira seems to be an illusive star. I cannot have him, even I try. So what am I doing? Basically, I am bargaining my love for Akira to Hansuke. Now that I am thinking about it, the same ghost of the past comes back to haunt me.

It all began, midterm of the eight grade. Still the usual school that I go to. Sure, the faces gets rotten every year. Same old people. I heard there was a transfer student at class B-1, but its a girl. So why would I hang out with girls? Hell no. Well, I do have friends that are girls, but I don't go out with them that much, well, to be exact, they're just friends inside the classroom.
As I thought this year is going to be a hell of boring school year, the teacher announced about a transfer student. My first thoughts was, what kind of student will transfer by almost near midterm?

The transfer student stepped in. It was a slim young man with beautiful brown locks. His eyes were almost sparkly, yet I can sense the feeling of loneliness in them.

His name was Akira

I first observed his actions, he seem to be a nice guy. During break time, he would usually scribble notes on his pocket notebook and he seems like he's too shy to show anyone what's he's writing. During lunch breaks, I he eats his meals alone on the corner of the cafeteria where literally no one seats. I felt sorry for the guy.

The next day, during lunch break, I decided to try and befriend him and talk to him the friendliest way I can.

"Akira? Wanna have lunch?"

It was just a simple phrase, but it made his mood brighten up. His eyes sparkled like stars. He happily came with me.

Day by day, it became our daily routine to eat lunch together at the cafeteria. We talked about ourselves first, being it we're total strangers, but as the time passes by, we were no longer strangers. We surly knew each other better. I discovered that Akira greatly interests music, and every afternoon, he would play his flute at the riverside.

After some time, I convinced him to join the glee club. Without  hesitation, he signed up for it, and he got approved. He became more happier. The loneliness in his eyes seems to be erased. Then, one time, we decided to stop by a nearby cafe for snack. He loved the pastries and desserts they served. And so, I felt glad to make him happy.

As the days dragged on, I felt a feeling of deeper interest for him. I knew it felt weird. But, I think I am in love with Akira. I always thought I was straight but, why did I had such feelings? I decided to hide it for as long as I could. But I made a good job covering my feelings up. Until one afternoon, after class, Akira came crying to me.

"My parents finally divorced..."

I didn't knew what to do to stop him from crying, he pulled me into a hug and buried his head on my chest, whimpering softly. I have no idea how to calm him down.

Feeling confused and hurt seeing him like that, I threw away all my cares, and gently kissed him on the lips. I don't know. Akira suddenly stopped, and wiped away his tears. For a moment I felt like he's going to push me away. But no. He pulled me again into a kiss, and said thank you for being with him all the time. It felt so sudden, and there was am awkward silence between us. We decided to bring the stressful moment to the cafe where we usually go. Akira seems silent, but tense. And so do I. There, we exchanged confessions on how we felt for each other. It turns out that Akira also did fall for me. That day, somehow, we began a deeper relationship between each other.

More days passed, sure, love is sweet when its new, but it gradually cooled down. Like, everything suddenly snaps back to normal. The feelings bursting freely, now flickering to death.

I am confused. I don't know about myself, but I am confused. Growing up straight, I didn't knew the feeling of being bisexual, or completely gay. I mean, something didn't felt right. I'm still confused of myself. I felt like every time I'd go with Akira, even we don't display publicly, it feels like everyone's looking at us. Who cares but, it makes me feel uneasy. I have to fix myself. I just have to.

But what about Akira? How can I tell him?

I was tormented. Days passed, I was in conflict with myself. I can feel Akira is also noticing the changes. One day, desperately, I began hitting with that girl from the other class who, according to my friends, have a crush on me. I don't know, but my sole purpose is to see if I'd turn out gay.

I began dating the girl. But I haven't told Akira about it. I just don't know how. I'm being tortured, mentally and emotionally. I went to the school garden to meet the girl. I grabbed her hand as we took a walk around the school, but on the corner of my eyes, I noticed someone familiar.

Akira.

He was shattered, I can see it over his eyes. I cannot say anything. I just can't, I watched him run away, dumping something to the garbage can, and so, the girl also resisted from the grip of my hand and walked away. And I knew I totally messed up.

I totally messed up big time.

The next day, I tried to talk to Akira. To explain things. He listened, unlike I expected. But it seems like everything that I say goes in any passes right through his ears.

"Akira... I think we should give each other space. It feels like everyone's got their eyes on us. They have that disgusted look on their eyes that I can't stand. I cannot take these things just yet... I'm sorry." I said in the most sincere way possible.

He got a straight face, averting his gaze from me. I cannot take on the pressure between us, so I walked away and never looked back. That day, I never kept in touch with Akira ever again.

Now that I feel like I'm at the edge of insanity. Once more I felt confused. I want Akira, but why am I having feelings with Hansuke? I'm definitely going crazy.

No. I had enough. I think Akira wouldn't like me anymore. I think its time to move on.

That's it. I'm gonna tell Hansuke how I feel.

END OF SOLILOQUY 2

Author's Note:

Damn sorry. It feels redundant doing this. But lol. Okay. Sorry. And Act 09 is just around the corner... (Or a few blocks away) so stay tuned.