~ gøødbye ~

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by pleasekook

by pleasekook

I'm sorry for this. I can't seem to care for you anymore anyways no matter how hard I try. The apartment rent is behind anyways. Goodbye.

That's the note I woke up reading this morning. I had found it right next to some of the textbooks I keep next to the mattress I sleep on that just sits on the ground in a small room in this tiny apartment. My mother was nowhere to be seen. I had already known where she was though anyways. She was long gone. Not coming back. Ever.

I just graduated high school a few weeks ago. I thought I had finally finished one of the worst times in my life. I guess I should have known something would happen to make my life worse. It's always one thing after the other, each time just getting worse and worse.

She was the only family I even had left. She's gone now too. I can't help but feel lonely after all of this. I also can't seem to take this all in. It's too much at one time. I feel like a complete mess. I don't know what's going to happen now.

I at least get up and get dressed. I feel like going for a walk. I always feel that it clears my head. Maybe it's the fresh air, instead of being cramped inside this apartment, or looking at the never ending sky with all the beautiful clouds, or maybe its the fresh breeze with the pretty scent of the cherry blossoms that have just recently started blooming. I feel better walking by myself, enjoying the nature silently. So this is what I do. I've always really done it since I was little.

My father had passed away in a car accident when I was little. I don't actually remember much about him, only what my mother had told me along with the pictures and videos I had seen of him. He looked kind and I feel like he also resembles me a little. I guess it kind of makes me happy to have a little piece of my father with me, if that even makes sense.

Today is kind of chilly so I wear a light sweatshirt that is kind of oversized on me, but it's one of my favorites. I also wear some black leggings along with my old combat boots. I walk outside after grabbing my phone off of the charger, just in case my mother contacts me even though I know she most likely won't. I don't really even know what I'm anticipating, but whatever it is, it's sure not to happen.

I feel the breeze and it's not as cold as I had thought it would be and in a weird way, it kind of comforts me. Some of the cherry blossom petals fall from the tree, landing in my hair along with the path in front of me. This is one of my favorite times of the year, besides winter that is.

There's a part of the path that I'm walking along that ends when you turn onto a connecting path. It's kind of abandoned. No one goes there anymore, but I really like it there. Most people don't know it, but it's a good place with a bench where you can have a good view of the ocean and horizon. It's in the middle of the woods, which I guess is why most people don't like it. I guess it's kind of creepy to them, but to me it's beautiful. I love it here. It's the only place I can go and feel at peace. I see the colorful sky in the distance as the sun rises higher and higher in the sky, reflecting on the ocean's surface.

The clouds turn pink and that dark purple-like color that you would usually see when the sun comes up. I like waking up early everyday to see this, even if it's just from my apartment window, where you can't see the ocean. Even though I've seen this sky over hundreds of times, I still am amazed. I wish I could freeze time and just sit here in peace forever.

Sorry for that long description of just nature, but I really love clouds and cherry blossoms and of course sunrises. I feel like I kind of put my thoughts about nature in here and kind of mixed it in with my story. I hope you enjoy~!

-pleasekook