1AM // seok jin

~tørtürē~

The thoughts that run through my head get darker and darker.  If I had only been able to help my mom in some way, maybe things wouldn't have gotten this bad.  Maybe she wouldn't have run.  Maybe I wouldn't have to suffer like this alone. 

Did my mom ever love me?

How could she just leave like that, leaving no trace, leaving only a note?

Each blow to my head, I can only feel my chest get tighter.  With fear.  And with the feelings I've kept bottled up for so long.  

And then the kicks suddenly stop.  There's yelling.  I can't make it out, unable to focus on anything.  My thoughts are jumbled.  

I look out from under my arm that has been trying to block the attacks, which is now swollen, covered in bruises and in a few spots is bleeding.  The man that I have feared, still fear, is pinned against the wall.  

Jin?

I cough.  My throat burns as if it's been set on fire.  There's blood.  I feel it on my lips.  I taste it on my tongue.  

The man runs out.  Jin turns in my direction and before I know it, he's right next to me, kneeling by my side.  His hand brushes my arm.  His touch is gentle, painless.  I look at his eyes, which are full of worry.  And..pain?   

He lifts me up, carrying me to the mattress at the other end of the room.  My body still shakes, not only from the fear I still feel but because the air feels colder.  He rests my head sideways in case I cough again.  Jin runs to grab the bag of medicine he must have dropped since it was right at the door and proceeds to find a washcloth on top of the small counter in the kitchen, soaking it with warm water.  

I close my eyes.  I feel the warmness on my face as he wipes some of the blood and sweat off of my forehead and mouth.  He notices the blanket at the end of the mattress, laying it on me.  

"I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have left you."  I hear Jin whisper.  I open my eyes slightly, enough for me to be able to see him.  

"It's not your fault.  I should be the one sorry."  I can bearly speak, but the sound that does manage to come out of my mouth sounds raspy and not like me at all.  A tear runs down my cheek.  I shouldn't have gotten Jin into my mess.  I'm just causing more and more trouble for him.  Jin wipes my tear with his thumb.  He continues to rub my cheek.  It calms me.  

I fall asleep, somehow..