You put me in a coma that I'm not sure I can wake up from and I FORGAVE YOU. You are the reason I can't sleep at night (and when I do I wake up crying) AND I FORGAVE YOU. You are a constant reminder of the lowest moment in my life and I FORGAVE YOU.
My thoughts are heavier than the silence you threw at me. Someday my feet will sink into the ground and I will accept it. I will accept everything around me before I accept what you did to me. I FORGAVE YOU BUT DID NOT ACCEPT IT. They say to tell someone you trust but maybe I just trusted you too much and it blinded me from the warning signs. MAYBE I WAS OPENING THE GATE TO LET YOU HURT ME BUT I THOUGHT I WAS OPENING THE GATE TO LET YOU SAVE ME. MAYBE THEY'RE THE SAME GATE. I feel like a ghost haunting my body. My body is a haunted house; tired, emotionless, like a brick wall. I'VE BEEN RUNNING INTO THE BRICK WALL FOR SO LONG, I'VE TURNED INTO IT. You are one of many dents in my heart; but you, oh you are biggest, and the first, and you did not just dent my heart. You dented my stomach because I stopped eating, you dented my throat because I stopped talking, my eyes because I started crying instead of sleeping and right when I think that everything is working fine, the dents get deeper. YOU WILL CONTINUE TO DENT MY HEART LITTLE BY LITTLE UNTIL IT IS GONE AND I FORGAVE YOU AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO UNFORGIVE YOU
but I'm sure as hell trying.
