i want to die.
like i want to leave this earth and no longer live.I want to die but i don't want to kill myself either.I don't wanna be murdered i just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
but on the other hand,when i die i don't want people to start pretending they cared when they never gave an actual fuck.I don't want the people who treated me like fucking shit to even dare shed a tear or show up to my funeral because they're the reason i fucking did it.I don't want my "friends" or you know just talking buddies to even feel any emotions about it.i don't want anyone to wonder why.
when i die i just want to die.i don't want any fake emotions.no phony ass Facebook posts on my wall. No memorial for me at school. NOTHING.Once i die i'll finally be at peace with myself.No one can make me feel any less than what i already was because i wouldn't be feeling anything at all.
when i finally die, i hope that in centuries there will be other ways to detect depression for those kids/teens who wear a mask.Those kids like me who look perfectly happy,act like normal loved happy children, and has tons of "friends" but when no one else is around cries until their eyelids are the size of Texas. You know those kids who don't feel comfortable talking to ANYONE about their feelings just because they don't want to get judged.I hope there's a way for them to get the help they need and deserve. I hope those kids get that help before its too late. Before they're so depressed that they feel like everything is physically draining.Before they're so depressed that they're mapping out their death from coming home from school to being shipped to a morgue.
I just hope humanity finds a way.I just hope there aren't many kids like me.
