I want to be better,i do.
I just cant. My family has fucked me up so bad i just physically cant tell people how i actually feel without feeling guilt or bad.
I know i dont deserve to be treated this way but i just cant bring myself to tell people how i truly feel inside.
Im okay with doing it anonymously like now but i cant do it face to face/verbally. I'm such a coward.
i've been contemplating doing "the thing" or not. I refer to it as the thing because the word suicide is so cringe-worthy. Its one of the words people cover their kids ears because they dont want them to hear it. But on the other hand im not sure how my family would react i dont want their fake tears at my funeral. No doubt they're going to give me a funeral because my mother loves the attention.
