Welcome to the Family {Synyster Gates}

When I'm Not With You Tonight...

Shadows POV

I couldn't believe he was gone. He was my brother, and my best friend. He was so young too. I was also worried as all hell about Amber. Honestly, since she's been living with me, I've really been falling for her. I'd never tell Brian though, but it all started as a drunken mistake. I slept with her. She came back and kept being all cuddly with me. I had been drinking since Val left me and it happened. I kissed her and she kissed me and hell, I felt something I hadn't felt in the longest time. I can't say I loved her, but I wanted to see where something with her would go. 
We were talking over funeral plans at the kitchen table and I thought I heard a door shut. I shrugged it off as maybe Amber went off to the bathroom. About 20 minutes later my phone went off and Brian looked at it for me since my phone was charging close to him. 
"Why is Amber calling you from upstairs?"
"No clue." I reached over and answered it. It was some lady, and how she was talking my heart sank into my stomach. Amber tried to kill herself. I thanked her for calling and hung up. 
"Whats wrong?" Zacky spoke up, looking at me confused. 
"Amber tried to kill herself..." I said barely above a whisper, trying to process what I was told. 
"Lets go get her." Brian said standing up. I stood up to follow him. 
"How did she get out? She was sleeping in Jimmy's room..." I trailed off as I followed Brian down the street. I noticed how he kept quickening his pace and I kept struggling to keep up. 
"We aren't losing her. She's moving in with me or I'm moving in at Jimmy's to keep her safe." He said, almost as a monotone. I never realized, but Brian may never have been in the band if it wasn't for Jimmy. They were childhood friends and he saw Amber grow up with them. He could have lost both of them for good in 24 hours. I know he never expected to lose Jimmy, let alone Amber as well. 
Shortly, we approached a corner where I saw Amber's bright hair sticking out from under one of Jimmy's hoodies. She was petting a pink fluffy unicorn. The scene broke my heart even more. She was hurting and I never even bothered to check on her. I heard Brian and the lady who called talking as we approached and I picked Amber up. She gripped my shirt, like letting go meant she would lose me as well. 
"Don't scare me like that again." I whispered into her hair. She nodded and we started walking home as Brian held onto her unicorn. By the time we got back to the house, she had fallen asleep in my arms. I sighed at the sight of her sleeping like that. 

"I'll get the door so you can take her to Jimmy's room again..." Brian said quietly. 

"Actually, I think I'm gonna take her home." I nodded towards my car, so he knew I meant my house. 

"Matt..." He trailed off as he opened the backseat door so I could let her lay across the seat. "I want to be with her a bit right now..." He spoke barely above a whisper. 

"You're more than welcome over Brian... You know that. I just want her somewhere familiar, and I don't think her being here is the best right now." 

"Her being here might be what she needs. If she goes back to familiar she's going to use again." Johnny said standing in the doorway. 

"I won't let her..." I whispered. She was finally cleaning up a bit. 

"Let's just get her upstairs for now. We can decide what to do after." Brian said and I picked her up from the back seat as she began to stir a little, but relaxing into my arms. Brian led me upstairs and as I laid her in Jimmy's bed, she pulled me back to her. 

"Stay with me Shad..." she mumbled. 

"Brians right here, how about he stays instead?" I suggested, not wanting to hurt him. 

"Matt... I want you." She said, looking at me. 

"It's fine Matt." Brian said as he shut the door and went downstairs. You could hear the hurt in his voice that she chose me. Not only that, but she hasn't been calling him by anything but Syn and she called me Matt. He probably noticed and thinks something is going on. Not that I don't want something to be, but still. Its not the day to have that talk. Amber moved over and I sat up on the bed next to her. She crawled into my lap and I instinctively began playing with her hair. 

"Next time.. next time I won't fail.. You guys won't have to worry much longer." She muttered as she was falling asleep and my heart sunk. She was going to try again? Doesn't she see we all care? 

"Ambs... wake up?" I shook her and made her sit up. 

"Hm?" She tilted her head. She almost looked like a lost puppy. 

"We need to talk."

"Lets go back to my room..." She stood up and pulled on my hand. I got up and followed her. She looked really beautiful, she was just trying to fix things for us and she thought the best way to do that was take herself out of the picture as well. 

She laid on her bed when we got into the room and I sat next to her. She crawled on top of me and snuggled into me. 

"I can't lose you too..." I told her. 

"Matt.." She sat up. I watched her as she looked into my eyes and she was so hurt and she looked like a simple wrong touch would break her. "I can't promise you won't." 

"Look Ambs... You've been sober for a few days now. You didn't use since Christmas. That was 4 days ago. You can get past this. Do it for Jimmy. That was his plan for you. That's what he wanted. I can't lose you too, not since I lost him. Hell, I could never lose you Amber. You've become one of the biggest parts of my life and I can't imagine it without you in it." I held her close. I didn't want to hurt her but I couldn't imagine losing her. Not now. Not ever. 

"Matt.." She pulled my face close to hers, and I knew what was going to happen was wrong, but I didn't want to stop her. She gently placed her lips against mine, and time froze. It felt like it was just us, and we moved perfectly in sync. I felt her wrap her arms around my neck, pulling me down on top of her. I felt my hands work their way up her body, and she pushed back a little to catch her breath. 

"Sorry..." I whispered. I let myself get carried away. She just lost her brother. I just lost my best friend. This is not what either of us needed. 

"I wanted to." She blushed. She was so cute. I smirked a bit,despite what happened today, I really have fallen for this girl. 

"I guess both of you just want to be together now, that's it huh?" Brian said coming into the room. "What about last night Amber? What about asking me this morning what happened to us? You're probably still wearing my damn bracelet. I love you Amber. I still fucking love you don't you see that? Or are you too busy sleeping with my other best friend? After we just fucking lost your brother and almost lost you, you are here acting like you don't even care what anyone else is thinking. God dammit Amber." Brian somewhat yelled, collapsing on the floor. Amber looked like every word stung her worse than the one before it.

"I'm sorry..." Amber whispered. She stood up and walked around him. I heard her go downstairs and the door slam up front. Shortly after I heard the door close again and Johnny came upstairs.

"Zacky's trying to catch up to Amber, he won't let anything happen to her. What happened up here?" Johnny asked as he tried to look like he was holding himself together, but he wasn't. 

"Matt kissed Amber..." Brian whispered. Johnny stepped over and slapped me. 

"You dumbass. You know Brian loves her. And now of all times you decide to act on your feelings?"I sighed. I knew I shouldn't tell them, but I couldn't help it.

"This isn't the first time... We've slept together before.." I said quietly.

"Lets get back to planning Jimmy's funeral." Brian said and went downstairs. Johnny followed him down, and I trailed behind.   We made some notes about how we wanted the funeral done, and decided that Amber would make the final call. Shortly after, Zacky slammed the door shut and flopped on the couch, sighing loudly. 

"Did you find her?" Brian asked, sounding hopeful. 

"I'm alone, aren't I?" He sounded frustrated. "Maybe if you idiots hadn't yelled at her when she just lost her brother. She knows these streets better than anyone and she knows how to go underground. I just hope we won't find her body somewhere too." 

My heart sank as he spoke, and Brian and me looked at each other. 

"Let's go." I said, knowing he had the same idea of going out to look for her. I walked outside, Brian following close behind. 

"I'm sorry." He said as we got outside. 

"I shouldn't have slept with her or kissed her. I know you love her. It was a mistake." I sighed. I can't hurt my best friend anymore, Amber is his last connection to Jimmy now. He needs her. Not me. I was just being selfish, its just something felt right with her. She made me feel loved, and like she didn't care how big Avenged was, she cared about me and what made me happy. Hell, she tried to kill herself to make things right for us, at least that's how I'm understanding it. 

"If she's happy with you, that's all that matters." Brian said as he got in the driver seat of his car, I followed behind into the passenger seat. "I just wish I woulda known she was yours before last night..." He sighed. "And now Jimmy..." I coulda sworn I saw him start crying. 

"I'm not even thinking about dating her right now. We all need to heal. We all need time to work out what just happened, he was so young and we never expected to lose him. He was all our best friends." I felt myself about to just break down crying. The thought of Jimmy not being around anymore just completely drained me. 

"Lets just find her, and we can all grieve as we need to." Brian said, driving back to his house. 

"If she's not here, lets check your house." He said as he unlocked his door. We split up, checking rooms. I pushed through some trash from last night, finding it hard to believe that Jimmy was just here, taking god knows what to have fun. Just last night Amber was trusting me to make sure he was safe while Brian calmed her nerves. I promised her he'd be okay... He was until we went to his house anyways. I hit the wall in frustration. How could we let her get away? Jimmy would kill us right now if he were here. She was his to protect and he asked us that if anything ever happened to him that we'd get her clean and that we'd keep her safe. Well, in the first 24 hours, we failed horribly. I almost slept with her and Brian and me both yelled at her. 

I heard a thud, and I ran upstairs to see if Brian was okay. By the time I got there, he was on his floor crying. 

"I lost both of them. I failed Jimmy and I lost the girl I love. My best friend and his sister. They are both gone" He kept repeating. I sat next to him, and rubbed his back. 

"I'll keep looking for Amber, but how about you go back and be with the guys?" I suggested after a few minutes. He nodded no. 

"We promised him. We promised him that she'd be safe. He'd kill us right now if he knew that within a day of losing him we lost her. She was his world. She meant everything to him. We need to find her. I need her..." He cried more. 

"Lets go buddy..." I stood him up and texted Zacky to meet me outside of Jimmy's house. I was gonna drop him off and check my house and Jackson's grave. I pulled up to Jimmy's house and Johnny and Zacky were waiting outside. Johnny seemed barely able to stand, and Zacky didn't look much better. I sighed, even though I wanted to find her, I think we all need to relax for a moment and process what just happened. 

The night drug on as we all sat around in silence. Once in awhile we tried to speak, but it never worked. We couldn't figure out the right words to say, if there were any. 

Soon we all slowly passed out into sleep, hoping we'd wake up to find Amber home. 

Too bad that never happened.