Welcome to the Family {Synyster Gates}

Tell Me Only If Its Real

Ambers POV

The next night:

I sat in a holding cell, shaking -alone- and trying not to cry. I have no idea how I got here, but apparently someone had posted my bail. I had a pounding headache and I felt like I was crashing hard. That's when I saw him, someone I haven't seen in years. Tommy Helm walked up to my cell as a cop unlocked the door. 

"What happened to you Amber?" He said as he pulled me into a hug. "Jimmy said you were getting clean. He said you were going to do it for him." I sighed as I heard his name. 

"Can you just take me home? I'll pay you back bail money." 

"You got it. Where you crashing at lately?" 

"Matt's house. Can you tell me what happened on the way?"  I asked as I climbed into his car. 

"Well, all I know is what I saw. You were already pretty far gone when I got to the party and then someone started talking about Jimmy and Brian and you freaked out. Something about how nothing was real and then someone told you to calm down and you hit them. It took me all day today to get your bail money together. I'm sorry it took me so long. Is Matt even home?" He asked as we pulled into the driveway. I was remembering bits and pieces of yelling at cops and fighting. I went up to the door and grabbed the spare key, Tommy following behind. 

"I just kinda wanna be alone right now Tommy, I'll call you later?" 

"Sure, but I just wanted to let you know, clean up and I would love to have you back. You're an amazing artist and I miss having your energy around the shop." He said as he left. I closed the door and went upstairs to try and calm myself. 

I sat on my bed and just stayed silent. After awhile, I went into my closet and pulled out the Crown Royal bag I had kept there for my drugs. I debated using, to get rid of this nagging feeling and slight pain that was leftover from coming down in jail with no way to get high. I went downstairs and put it on the counter. I grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled a note down for Matt. 

"You'll know what to do with this. I'm done getting high. I'm sorry for everything. Tell Syn... Brian.. that I love him. I love you too Matt, I just can't do this without my brother. I'm sorry again. Goodbye." 

I ended up upstairs and I packed a small bag. I grabbed one of Jimmy's hoodies and I went to steal one of Matt's. After a few minutes, I found one of his favorites. I grabbed it, and it smelled of his cologne. It was so comforting. I felt my legs buckle underneath me and I couldn't get up. I broke down crying, and sat against the wall. I didn't want to leave here. I need Matt, but I didn't have the strength to get up to go back home to Jimmy's. After awhile, I just ran out of tears. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want anyone to know I was here, and I sure as hell didn't want to live anymore. I need my brother. I felt empty without him. 

"Amber? You here?" I heard Matt yell as someone came upstairs. I saw the door open slightly and Brian peeked his head in. 

"I'm so glad you're okay." He sighed, and came over and sat down next to me. "Amber, I really missed you. Where did you go?" I felt him put his arm around me. I just kept staring straight forward. I didn't want to talk to anyone but Jimmy. I wanted my brother. Brian was the farthest thing from my brother. 

"Hey Ambs..." Matt said walking in. I didn't even look up at him. I still was holding onto his hoodie and my bag wasn't too far off. "Amber?" He questioned when I didn't even answer him. 

"What's wrong?" I heard Brian ask. 

"She just lost her brother Brian... I think there is a lot wrong." 

"I saw your note Ambs... I'm glad you don't want to get high anymore." Brian said. 

I didn't know what to say, I just laid my head back on Brian's shoulder, because if I tried to speak I would just completely lose it. 

"Lets go home Amber." Matt said as he pulled me to my feet. I felt completely out of it. I couldn't even focus and I lost my balance and fell into his arms. As I regained a bit of balance, I felt Brian put his arm around my shoulders and hold me to him. It felt like he was trying to protect me but at the same time show Matt that I was his. 

The drive back home was silent. When we got there, Johnny and Zacky were talking over each other trying to figure out if I was okay and where I was. Matt mentioned something about how Tommy came by and told them how I was arrested.  I just went back upstairs and sat on my bed, hoping the guys would leave me alone. I just wanted them to forget I existed. Soon, Matt came up and sat next to me on my bed. 

"You know, I know I wasn't around as long as Brian was, but I remember us sitting just like this when you were 16 and Jimmy freaking out thinking we were dating. He almost killed me for even being alone with you. It's hard to picture things ending up like this, isn't it?" He said after a few minutes. I laid on his lap, Matt's touch really was comforting. 

"It should have been me." I whispered as he pet my hair. It wasn't fair, Jimmy had so much more going for him. I was just an addict. 

"We'll all get through this Amber. It won't be easy, but we will. I promise." 

"I can't do this without him." 

"Jimmy would want you to live. He'd want you happy. He'd want you to follow your dreams." 

"I love you Matt.." I leaned up and kissed him. 

"I love you too Ambs." He sighed. 

"I'll be right back..." I got up and went to the bathroom.  I was looking for the way I got around before drugs, and I found it. My old razor. It got me through high school without Jimmy knowing. Maybe it'll get me through this. 

I can only hope.