Messed Up All The Way

The Meeting

I see my mom and big sister looking at me angry. I was really sad and nervous because I did not no what to expect. I took a deep breathe as they talked while I was out in the waiting room, waiting to be called in. Not to long after they called my name. My sister just sat there and my mom was yelling but I tried to block out her voice. I put my hand in my hair listening to all the negativity my brain was getting fed. My sister just sat there with a smirk. I hated her for that, how she liked to see me in pain. She was always jealous of me but why? I was so sensitive and weak meanwhile she was so tough and could face every problem. She barley cried unlike me. I noticed that I cried and frowned more than I smiled.

"Let me see those cuts." My mother said to me . I pulled down my sleeve and she looked at my wrist and through it. I cried even more heart broken.
"Are family don't cut, that's bullshit. You people need to help someone who's really depressed. This is wasting my time." My mom walked out. Those words she said to me punched my heart so bad. I cried. I couldn't stop crying.
"She's a hoe!" I heard her yell. I just sat there hopeless. I thought I was doing the right thing? Am I? I was beating up myself for this. Maybe they are right I am a hoe.
I went upstairs in the group shelter and looked at the pictures on the wall then laid down. I'm so worthless I swear why am I even here. I don't deserve nobody's help maybe my parents are right.
I felt so scared and I saw no future for myself. I had so much anxiety I couldn't handle it. Fuck! I sit on the bed. I look In the mirror "Eww. I hate myself." I breathe then go to sleep.
All I was thinking about is my little sister. I miss her so much. I'm sorry Riyah I love you so much. I kept thinking when I woke up in the middle of the night.