Depression creeps upon you quitely.
At the very beginning you struggle with the little things, but usually choose to ignore them.
It's like a headache. You'll tell yourself it's temporary and it'll pass. It's just another bad day.
But it's not. You're stuck in this state of mind. You... Get used to putting on a social mask and you continue to live among other people, because that's what you have to do.
That's what others do. However, the problem does not go away. You.. Struggle to put on a play every day and it starts to cost you more and more..
That is why you fall even deeper and that's when you slowly start to back away from friends and family.
Sometime completely shutting them out.
All satisfaction is gone. The little things that used to bring you joy are now worthless. Even the simplest tasks become painful.
That is why you lack motivation. Now... Why would you keep on trying if nothing makes You happy anyway.
All of this makes you feel even worse and you get caught up in a vicious circle.
Suddenly you find yourself living in slow motion.
Days become indistinguishable...
Just white noise, just... Heaviness, filling your mind and spilling over your body.
You feel as though you'll never be happy again.
You continue to back away and.. Destroy relationships.
It comes over you.. Destroys all positive thoughts, you are living in a State that is not to you worth it, you would for that moment prefer to be dead.
It's something that the person cannot control.. When they're experiencing it.
You're ashamed for everything you've done and everything you haven't. There is a part of you that wants to make things right.
A sudden positive upsurge makes you want to go out and meet people but.. It's all very short-lived, because.. You know it won't work anyway. Things that make your friends excited leave you indifferent and you become aware of the huge gap that lies between you.
Another failure is not an option, so in the end you choose to be alone in your comfort zone where no one asks any questions.
The low self esteem and the lack of purpose become unbearable. You finally realize you can't go on that way and two things can happen:
You either decide to get some help, or you... might attempt a suicide.
Things just seems "fake" "off" or "wrong."
You try your best to ignore the problems that happens everywhere to you.
You feel like you're moving and thinking in a slows motion.
It's like your head is taking control of everything.
You lose emotions such as hating loving and anger.. You're okay with everything hurts you because you know the truth about your life
Anger controls your mind when someone asks about you because it reminds you of the things you've been struggling with.
So each day we wake up in the same room and live the same day as yesterday
Inside you there's that angry mad person who's screaming to let everything out but you use the outfit of that quite emotionless person.
You try your best to let yourself think that everything's going normal and you act happy not with people but with yourself.
Depression was made for teenagers.. That what I always said, but I always wondered why?!
Is it because it is the age when we realize that our childhood's dreams are fake and impossible and it Wont become true unless we struggle with failure over.. And over and over again and again and again
So we get stuck in that circle of failure and hopelessness.
