I don't know what does that word mean
I mean I haven't been feeling for a while
I can't love
Can't be sad or happy or even get hurt
It feels like nothing cause even the nothing you can't feel it
Just like you're dead
Socially you're alive.. Next to people and everyone else you do your best just to seem normal like them. You act happy and sad on things that doesn't even affect your future..
It feels like you've became an actor and your life is a movie that you should react to
It's your job.. Make people happy and motivate them while you have no energy left to even motivate your self to do the stupidest things ever
You stop breathing.. Not physically but mentally
You stop wanting anything you stop posting anything anywhere you become unknown or forgotten..
It feels like a job the more you do your best acting the more you're getting roles for acting
You stop working out you stop loving you stop stretching you stop pushing your self
You became like Those people they make a family they earn a living and then they die
It's like seeing a vision of your hopeless future, which makes you feel disappointed and disgusted with everything you see.
It feels like it doesn't really matter to you anymore doing anything or losing anything or anyone anyhow
Maybe, there's people around you they do motivate you and make you feel special, you get that positive energy the strength to stand up again and fight again for something worth fighting
But again, that feeling lasts a week.. A day.. An hour.
And sometimes it doesn't come at all you feel like you're totally lost in a black dark circle
It doesn't stop.. Really it doesn't get out of your mind your feelings won't stop it because you don't even have those feelings
Feeling bored of everything. The person you love the most or you hate the most if they leave it doesn't work anymore.. The feeling of losing, it doesn't work because you got used to lose everyone in your life or every special one
Sometimes you take control of this feeling.. "Emptiness"
But as long as everything you fight stands in front of you
You will lose control
And it controls your head and starts taking you away slowly from your family.. Friends.. Everyone you know will start asking where have you been
You cannot find the answer because in reality you're lost.. Lost between everything you don't even have the power to choose the road you want to continue on fighting for it until you get what you want
Some people doesn't really have anything they want
They want nothing.. Nothing at all but death
They would commit suicide at any moment.. But they have one thing standing in front of them which is they don't have the power to hurt their family and the ones who loves them.. They feel afraid and scared of hurting them..
Those people actually, are the strongest people who are standing on this earth. At this moment they're the ones who are reading this story..
Keep fighting for what you want until you get that thing and do never give up..
Ever
