Despondency

We Know In Our Hearts We'll Make It

Song: Up & Away - Her Bright Skies

Today I could finally throw the crutches out of the window. And trust me; that's exactly what I feel like doing. The whole week my foot has been hurting and itching and I've been the most irritable person ever. Even Brad left me sometimes to go out, since he got enough of me. I didn't judge him though. I would walk away from me too once in a while. My blue marks were fading but my bent rips were still sore. I didn't really notice it though. I found out that if you just pretend it doesn't hurt or just keep yourself preoccupied, you won't notice the pain. It doesn't help if someone points it out all the time though. That's probably the worst. All the 'How are you doing', and 'Are you okay?' comments are slowly driving me insane. It's sweet that people care but COME ON. I'm not dying and do you really need to remind me of the pain every freaking second? I told Brad about this since he was the worst of them all. Every hour he would ask if I was okay and I would mutter a yes back. Better just leave it and wait till I myself tell him that I feel better. But not everyone gets this logic I guess. Some people likes the attention or some others haven't been this hurt before. They think they know how if feels but they don't. They can only imagine it. And sometimes that is just not enough. "I would keep your foot still for a few more days if I were you, but you're free to go", the doctor said. He had been talking this entire time and I had drifted off into a rant in my own head. Just like always. "Thank you". I smiled and lightly humped back to Brad who was waiting outside the hospital. He was leaning up against the car door. Again people think that you can walk perfectly fine when you let go of the crutches but no. When you don't use your legs for a longer amount of time it gets harder to walk. Your muscles need training as they're not as strong anymore from the lack of use. "So what did they say?", asked Brad as I reached him. I gripped onto his shoulder for support. "That I still had to rest my foot for a few days but I don't need the crutches anymore". He smiled and hugged me tightly. "I'm happy that you're finally getting better", he whispered. He sounded like he just got a whole person lighter. He didn't have to feel guilty anymore. "But I still need you", I mumbled making a light chuckle escape his lips. "Of course. Like I said. You're not getting rid of me now". I laughed. I was more relieved than happy. "I had his weird idea in my head that when I got better you would just disappear". He sighed and took a step backwards, holding me out like he wanted to examine me. "I'm not disappearing again". I giggled and he snaked his arm around my shoulders. "Where are we going?". "I thought I would treat you to some new CD's". My whole being lightened up at the mentioning of 'new' and CD's' in the same sentence. My favourite kind of words. "Really?", I asked excitedly as he closed the door behind himself. "Yes". Then my manners returned to my body. "You can't do that. I'll pay them myself". He rolled his eyes at me and started the car. "Don't start with that crap Clara. And no I'm not suppressing as a woman. I'm treating you to a couple of CD's because I want to. I wouldn't do it for any other women or anyone for that sake", he said harshly and looked at me sideways. "It's not because of suppression Brad. I have the money to pay for things myself, I don't want anyone buying them for me", I hissed back crossing my arms over my chest. "I know you can buy things on your own and that you don't need my money, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to treat my girlfriend well". "I don't need it". "Fine. I just wanted to make you happy", he sighed beginning to drive. Maybe I was a bit too harsh. He knows I can take care of myself. He really did just want to be nice.

-

We walked in silence to the mall and entered the music shop. I didn't like Brad's silence but I caused it myself. Girls always get offended when guys offer to pay. It's not like it's an offending thing to do most of the time. He went straight to the racks with the rock genre and began scanning through them to find something interesting. "Brad", I whispered placing my hand on his shoulder. He turned around to look at me. "I'm sorry. I know you just meant it well". Before he got to say anything I swung my arms around him and hugged his waist tightly. His body was rigid but he relaxed after only a couple of seconds. "God, you make me so confused", he mumbled taking a deep breath. "Why?", I asked, pulling away from the much needed hug. "You get mad when I behave like an ass but you also get mad when I try to be nice. I don't get it". "Trust me I'm confusing myself too. It's just so easy to get mad at you". "It's easy to get mad at you too", he said looking down at me. "I guess we just have to be open to each other". He agreed and again we were okay. I knew we were. Our arguments were never worse than this. "So what are you looking for?", I asked as he returned to searching through the different CD's. "Just things I know you would like-", he started then pulled out a CD from the rack. "'That's the spirit' by Bring Me The Horizon. Amazing album", he said and handed it to me. I liked the album cover. Just a simple umbrella and a couple of raindrops. "'Rivals' by Her Bright Skies. Also a great album", he continued, handing that to me also. "and 'Pretty. Odd', by Panic! At The Disco. Not really rock but a stoner album. It's still a great piece of work". I loved that he knew what music I liked and he thought I would like. "I thought you would want some new quotes on your wall that was from other artists besides All Time Low". I laughed and nodded. I now could all of All Time Low's songs by heart and I was proud of it for some stupid weird reason. I also wanted to paint the skeleton they all have a tattoo of. It was so cool. "You're giving me all of these CD's?", I asked stunned. I was holding 3 CD's but he now had 2 more CD's in his hands. "Of course", he said approaching me. "I-I-", I started, but he shut me up by locking his lips with mine. "You deserve it". "HEY DUDE", someone yelled and Brad froze. I recognized the voice. It was Toby. And if Toby was here ,so was Zac. Brad's 'gang', when he still went to our school. "Fuck", Brad whispered before turning around. "Hey", he replied coolly. I just stood next to him not knowing what to do. "I see you found the nerd", Zac laughed scanning my body up and down. "Yeah, what's up with that? Last time I saw you were at the party where you almost had sex with Hailey", Toby said. Oh yeah. Hailey. I had almost forgotten about her. Almost. "I fled the city", Brad replied casually ignoring the fact that they mentioned his 'ex girlfriend'. "Then what are you doing back? You can't disappear and then return in a matter of months", Zac said scratching his neck. "Well watch me", Brad muttered but his tone was friendly. Don't tell me he's about to push me away just because they are here. "It's funny. Every time we see you, the nerd is always around. Is she a stalker or something?". I fixed my eyes on the floor and took a step back. I'm not getting involved in this even though I should. "Dude, she's my girlfriend, not a stalker", Brad replied throwing his arm around my shoulders so I was forced into his embrace. I looked up at him only to discover him smiling down at me. "What? Dude. She's a nerd. You can't honestly say you're dating her", Toby said his eyes widening. Zac had already been distracted by some random girl who walked into the store. Idiot. "Don't talk about her like that. I swear I will rip you apart if you call her a nerd one more time", Brad threatened making me a tad scared. I'm glad he was defending me, but I don't want him to start a fight. That won't help him at all. "Brad let's go", I whispered but of course he ignored me. "When the hell did you get so lovey-dovey and soft?", Toby asked taking a step forward. "When did you start being such an ass? Oh wait. You've always been like that". Brad's voice was venomous and I wouldn't be near him if I was Toby. "I may be an ass, but at least I'm not growing soft. You freaking act like a girl. Man up". I grabbed Brad's shoulder. He couldn't start a fight right in a shop. Is he crazy? "Clara walk away", Brad muttered pushing me slightly behind him. "I can't let you beat him up. Have you lost all of your sense?", I hissed and he turned around. "And so what if I beat him?". "So what? You'll act just like your stepfather", I whispered. His body turned rigid. I turned around and walked out of the store and did no intentions for him to follow me. He had to deal with that on his own. I know he will do the right thing. I dialled a number and called it while walking to the parking lot. "Hello?". "Hey Con. Can you pick me up?", I asked sitting down on a bench. "Yes of course. Where's Brad?". "He's just... Dealing with something", I sighed. "What has he done now?", Connor laughed in the other end. "Nothing. But sometimes it's good for him to be left alone", I chuckled. "I'll be right there. Is it okay that Scarlet is coming too? She's right next to me", he asked and I heard Scarlet say something in the background. "Of course". I finished the call and shut off my phone.