Despondency

I Keep My Mind Away From Home

Song: Keeper - With Confidence

                   

"Mom ignore him. Maybe he's just shocked that you're back. He was really happy when he found out that you were coming home", I whispered trying not to make her cry. I didn't want mom to cry the first day being home. "Until today he's never yelled at me once", she whispered. I could see how hard she tried not to cry. She had the same method like me. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling. "He's stressed mom". I heard steps behind me and Brad entered the living room. "It was boring", he said casually placing his hands on my shoulders. "It's nice to see you here Brad. I'm sure Clara appreciate it". He smiled his more than charming smile. He could make anyone blush with that smile. "why don't you sit outside or something? I'll bring some tea", Brad suggested. "It's such a sunny day", he added looking at me. "That would be lovely. Maybe you could get some colour Clara. You look so pale". I nodded not wanting to say anything I was pale. Nothing to deny there.

I helped mom up from the couch and helped her into her wheelchair. She could walk, but not very far, so I thought this was the best option. I rolled her out in our back yard on the grass, grabbed two chairs and sat them in front of her. Mom tilted her head back and closed her eyes soaking up the sun. I would too if I had been stuck in the hospital for so long. "How did you convince the doctors to let you go home?", I asked out of the blue. I wanted to ask so many things but I didn't know how to begin. Are you going to get well? You're not going to die? Are you going to make a full recovery? How? "Doctors can be very understanding when it comes to things like seeing your family. They know how important it is. I was feeling better, much better, and they thought I was okay enough to go home. I still have to do check-ups at the hospital often, but it's better than nothing. I want to see my children as often as possible". She didn't mention dad. She would probably just cry if so. "are there anything special we have to do? Something we can't do?", I asked. "Well you can't jump on me", she laughed and smiled at my expression. "And I'm more tired than usual and I'm going to have good and bad days. Some days I may feel really bad, and will probably sleep all day. Other days may be like today". I nodded. Then something caught my eye. Something I never imagined would ever happen.

-

Fuck. My. Life. HOW COULD HE DO THIS? "These were standing outside the door, and I thought we could have a party", Brad laughed as Tristan, Connor, James, Maggie, Scarlet and Nina came towards us. They all dragged chairs to where mom and I were sitting. I was furious. He had just ruined EVERYTHING I had tried to hide. My mom. Cancer. "Aww company. That will be more than nice right now", mom said excitedly. I looked at all of their faces as they saw my mom. Lastly my eyes locked with Brad's. He had a big smile on his face like he didn't even know what he had just done. Scar gave me a dirty look as she greeted my mom with the same amount of love she did back then. What the hell was her problem? I stared down Brad who stopped dead in his tracks at my look. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and before I knew it I stood up so fast that I could knocking the chair I was sitting on down in the process, and ran inside. I couldn't do this. They would start judging me. They would treat me differently because of my family. This was all I didn't want. I can't believe Brad could do this to me. Was this payback for telling my mom about his parents? If it is we are officially done.

-

I ran into my room slamming the door shut. I turned on the music to the loudest and buried myself in my covers. Then I let my tears flow freely. I didn't think he would ever do that.

I'm on my own

And I've been thinking

That I'm so lost

I'm slowly sinking             

Out on my own

Into my thinking