Chapter 2: thank you

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Now is 10 pm, i'm taking dooli out for a walk, but today i feel like taking him further rather than our usual routine. "We're going to walk a little further, you think you can handle it dooli-a?" I stroke his head and put him on the ground for him to walk. There's not so much people around, i put on my earphone and play 귀로 by naul. Its a sad song, it has good melody, i listen to sad music even when i'm in a good mood, it just relax my body. I stop for awhile in front of a park, closing my eyes and feel the breeze of the wind "좋다~" i open my eyes and start to walk again.

I stop by the market to buy something for dooli and banana milk for me. "감사합니다~" i go out and open the dog snack i bought and give it dooli. After he finishes his snack, i open the banana milk, drink it while walking.

Now i'm at an empty street "우와, 사람이가 없어~ 위험하다~ 빨리 가자 돌리 아~ (wahh, nobody is here, its dangerous, lets go dooli-a)" as i walk faster i heard noises, "what is that voice?" I stop my step, i concentrate to hear what voice is that, then i heard its like a girl's moan "뭐야...." I walk closer to the voice, i widened my eyes, i see a couple doing their business, i dont know what to do, as i want to turn my body dooli bark, the couple get so shock and stop looking so embarrassed "omo! I'm sorry" as i'm about to turn my body i see the guy's face, i widened my eyes in disbelieve "wh...what?...." I locked my eyes on him, i close my eyes and turn my body, and when im about to go he grabs my hand "(y/n)-a! Wait!! Its not like what you think it is" i release my hand from him "finish what you're doing" i said without turning.

I walk home as fast as i can holding dooli, crying as much as i can. Feeling disappointed, feeling betrayed, feeling useless, feeling broken, feeling hopeless, feeling failure, feeling everything bad that ever exist. "Fuckin shit. You piece a shit." Finally i reach home. I run to my room, release dooli, slamming the door and drop my self on the bed crying. I dont know what i did so wrong that he could done such things to me. I always do everything he asked, i always do everything he said, i never said no to him, i always say yes, i've tried everything to make him happy, even when i have to throw away my happiness but as long he's happy i will do everything, how could he... Do such thing.... I keep crying till i fall asleep.

Without realizing its morning, thank god its still sunday, i open my eyes slowly, cant open it for so long because of the sunlight, i close them again and tried to sit down. My head is hurting because i cried too much last night, i hold my head and messaging it slowly "auh, it hurts so much". I stand uo snd walk to the toilet to wash my face, looking at the mirror "oh my god, my eyes are swollen" i wash my face once again and get out.

I walk downstairs and heard my mom talking to a guy "who's that?....." As i get closer , its jiwoo. My heart feels like its about to explode, but i brace up myself to face him and act like it wasnt a big deal "why you here?" I said without looking him and walk to my refrigerator to take some water "(y/n)-a, i want..to explain what happened last night..." He take my hand on his, but i let it go, "you dont need to explain it again, what i see explained everything" i look at him smiling in disappointment "but...." "Go" "but.. Wait,, i dont wanna lose you (y/n), i love you.... Last night was, a misunderstanding..." He hold my hand again but for the second time i let it go "jiwoo-a...stop it" i look away, but then he grab my hand and drag me outside, walk me to the nearest park from my house "(y/n) LET ME JUST EXPLAIN TO YOU!!" He insists "okay fine, then explain it" i sit on a bench looking at him "last night, i went to a club with my friend, and there were girls that keep joining us, i refused but that girl kept sticking herself on me, i was drunk, and suddenly that thing happened, please (y/n)-a believe me, i would never do such thing behind your back. I love you so much" i laugh at his explanation "what kind of club open at 11? And, when you do love me, the moment that girl sticking herself on you, you could've refused her, get up and go. Why you keep sit there and let that girl seduce you? You'll feel bad about your friend? Well i'm sure they'll understand that you wanna go because you already have girlfriend and that she must be disappointed if she saw you guys being all lovey dovey, am i right or wrong? Beside, you dont seem drunk at all lst night"  i finish my words and stand up "i love you so much jiwoo-a. I really do. Do you know how much i suffer because i want to make you happy? You probably dont, all you could think about is yourself. Your selfishness. I gave up on everything, i gave up on my dream to be a singer, just for you. That you might get disappointed, that i might not have more time with you. But look at what you've given back to me. What? You love me? I doubt it"

I stop for awhile and start talking again "And, did you do that because i dont want to do it with you? I remember you've tried to do it with me, but i refuse. And because of that you find some random girls to fuck with to fulfill your satisfaction because you couldnt do it with me? You should understand that i have my own intentions." "(Y/n)-a, thats not true!" "THEN WHAT?" I cry, i fall on the ground holding my knees "then what jiwoo-a?? Why you did that to me?" "Okay! Yes! I did that because you never want to do it with me! Whenever i wanted to touch you always refused, even when i want to kiss you, you always flinched, like you dont want to be kissed or to be touched. I cannot take it any longer, i also think that you dont love me" i look at him with wide eyes and mouth open, i slowly stand up and slap him hard "do i have to do it with you just to convince that i love? Have you not realize everything that i've done to you jiwoo-a?" I still looking at him disbelieve, he just stand there holding his cheek and looking down. "I cant believe what i just heard jiwoo-a. I've never been disappointed at you, and for the first time, you just made me. Thank you for letting me know how to love, how to feel to be loved, how to feel broken, and how to feel disappointed, thank you for everything" i walk away, without looking back, still crying. I dont know how to hold back everything, its just too much.

Then i bump to someone and fall on the ground, i just close my eyes and take a deep breath "i'm sorry, are you okay?" Someone give a hand to me to help me to stand, i take his hand and stand up then i bow to him "i'm sorry" "oh! (Y/f/n). Is it you, right? I'm min yoongi, the one you met at the park" i look at his face slowly and smile a bit then wipe my tears away "yeah...i remember you." "What happen? Why are you crying?" I shake my head slowly and look down "no, its okay. I'm okay. Nice to meet you again. I have to go. Bye" "(Y/N)-A!!!" I heard jiwoo calling for me, i bow to yoongi once again and before i left i felt a hand grab mine, i turned back and see jiwoo with his angry and regretful face. But then yoongi step in the way "who are you? Are you the one that make her cry?" Yoongi said to him, i let go of jiwoo's hand and hide behind yoongi, yoongi see me and stand in front of me "WHO ARE YOU?! DONT GET IN THE WAY!!" He then punch yoongi, i could believe what i just saw, i dont know what to do, i grab jiwoo's hand from holding yoongi's collar "STOP IT!! YOU'RE NO ONE TO ME NOW SO YOU DONT HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW WHO's WITH ME ANYMORE!" I push him hard and grab yoongi's hand to help him stand, and go "dont follow me" i look at him with cold stare, he stand there stunned.

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