We're Forbidden, My Love

Therefore

My friends don't like him, my classmates also do. Every single misunderstanding of us they'll make their own story of it. It's like we're not free to do the things that we wanted to do.

I'm not perfect okay? I admit that I'm kind but not to anyone it;s just like they're kind to me and I just give them the same attitude. I do not smoke yes, I do not drink, I often go home on time, I do not cut class, I always makes sure that I have an assignments in each of our effin' subject, I do not cuss a lot. It's like hello? I'm a human too, I have feelings and emotion. I'm just being me, I don't have any reasons to make my life be a mess. Unless, you'll give me.

As time goes by, as time passed by, months have passed, he can't control his feelings, he can't handle his emotions very well. When I need him, he's not there, when I need to feel his love for me, when I feel so weak, I feel so empty, when I'm depressed, when I'm so paranoid, he's not there. I started to think that I'm just an option to him, none to his top list priorities anymore.

We always fight because of misunderstandings that usually happens to us but this time i....i..it..it's different. I feel so nothing to him, I feel like I'm the scum living on earth.

He started to ignore my texts, he started to ignore ME. I don't know why but he also started not to say I love you when we send each others goodnight greetings. Cold it it. It's like..... it's so unfair, I let him to do the things that he wanted to do, I'm not blaming him for his uncontrollable feelings, I always understand his situation. It's like I'm begging for his love.

Things goes simultaneously, simultaneously. I need him, he's cold, I feel unloved, I feel worthless.

I overthink, so much. I don't want to do this but things were difficult for me to handle it alone, for me to solve it alone. I need him because we're one, but then, I feel like I'm the only one who fights for this fcking love. So I decided. I decided to break up with him. I did it, we're split.

He pursue to get my trust again,. I don't want to give my self again easily. He do not own me anymore, I want him to win my heart back in a difficult way, I want him to realize my worth. . In short, I tested him. The result? He failed. We're totally nothing.

I'm totally broken.

Months have passed, I'm moving on. I started to ignore his messages, I started to ignore HIM. Then one day, I heard a news that he has his new. Well, I'm happy for him. I admit, it hurts me a lot but I have no choice, I am nothing to him, he has his new, NEW.

Maybe we're not totally for each other, I'm a lesson to you and you're a lesson to me. We have to accept the fact that we're not for each other.

But there's one thing that I remember...

"I don't want to stay away from you because I don't want to fall in love with anyone" 

These words left me hanging now, they were faded.

-end