It's not like I wanted to die. Not at all actually. I had a great life with a lot of stuff in it that I loved. I just couldn't live with the pain anymore. It became too much.
Being in the centre of things wasn't a life that suited for me. It was never something that I planned, it just happened you know. I became really lonely in a world where I was surrounded by everyone. When he told me that I should talk to someone, someone professional, all I could think of was that he was out of his mind, there wasn't any other people in this world.
But no. I didn't want to end my life. I didn't want to leave all the people I loved behind, but there was no other choice.
And it was the right choice. I did find peace in death. I was happier than I'd been for a long time. Even though it felt really bad that I did what I had done to Jimmy, to my sister. But they would survive that. I knew it.
Jimmy's POV
She was laid to rest on a thursday. It was a beautiful funeral with a lot of people there. Everyone didn't even room in the church.
Myra had asked me if I could go to Rhaea's apartment with her, to get some of her stuff before they would be thrown away.
It was quite a small apartment with not so much furnitures, just the necessary.
"I'll start in the bedroom", Myra said and walked into a room.
I walked around in the apartment. It smelled just like Rhaea. I walked into something that looked like a little studio. There was a computer, a guitar, a mixer table and a microphone. I clicked a random button on the computer and it lit up. iTunes was up and a playlist made by herself. The playlist was just named "new" and there was ten songs in there.
She made a new album.
I clicked on one of the songs and music started to play in the room.
"Well, I guess I lost this round
The mountains have come down
I won't go where they go
Oh I'll be back around"
I couldn't listen to more than a verse. It hurt too much to hear her voice, knowing that I would never hear it in real life again.
I looked down on the desk and saw a picture standing next to the computer. It was of us two. It was from her birthday when we were at Johnny's. It was before the two of us was together. It was the night that started it all.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you Rhaea", I whispered and looked on the picture.
She had the biggest smile ever, just like always when she smiled. I would miss that smile a lot.
It was difficult living life without Rhaea but it worked. I lived on and with time, it became… easier. The pain never left though.
Not that I had to live it what for so long though. I died only a few years later, when we were recording our 5th album. I was stupid enough to think that I could survive everything, even dangerous drugs.
I didn't mind though. Because the most thing I wanted in world was already waiting for me in death. Rhaea.
The End
