Intractable

0.5

PRESENT DAY

Today is the last day for me in the apartment that I shared with Ben for I'll move out tomorrow morning.

Yes, it has been decided that it's best for me to move out. I won't spend another minute in this apartment, crying over a guy who doesn't even know that I have a feeling for him since highschool.

I called Nova last night, telling her that I want to move out but part of me still scared of what's gonna happen next. But Nova said that everything's going to be alright. I'm going to get my degree in just a couple of months and I can get a job out of State and I can leave everyting behind.

I don't mean to be coward or arrogant by leaving all my life in here but it seems that everything is holding me back. I don't want to be those kind of girls who keep crying over a guy and keep wishing that someday that guy would see me as a person with an unconditional love for him. I don't want to be those kind of girls who keep thinking that someday the guy whom I love with all my heart will sweep me off of my feet because things like that aren't going to happen. Trust me, this world ain't a fairy tale like Disney or something.

I know that even though I leave this place my heart will always choose Ben. He won't leave me alone even though he's not around me. His presence still lingers in my mind and I think that's enough for me to leave this apartment.

And there's no better way to tell him by singing it to him because words aren't enough and I'm so bad at expressing it without music.

So today I am inviting Ben to come to Harris Institue. We're holding a music festival and there'll be some performances from different department. Lucikly, my professor chose me for representing the Music department along with 2 other students.

Ben is out with his girlfriend and he promises me to find a best suit for tonight. I just nod my head when they leave the apartment, leaving me with my boxes in my bedroom which Ben still has no idea that I'm packing my things everynight and sending them to my new apartment.

My room seems spotless since I already move everything, except some things like photographs and books in the bookshelf. I don't even have clothes in here, all of them are already in my new apartment.

I grab the little brown box from the floor and start to collect all the photographs I have.

I can't help but thinking about the good old times as I see lots of pictures of me and Ben back when we were in highschool.

There's a picture of us together in my backyard.

There's a picture of us together in a restaurant.

There's a picture of us together when we went to the beach.

There's a picture of us together in his backyard when he had a birthday party. He had his arms around me and I had mine around him too.

Tears streaming down my cheeks as I keep looking at the old photographs. It is a very hard decision for me to leave him behind like this. It is not an easy thing to do, forgetting Ben. It feels so wrong but right at the same time.

All I want to do is just hug him and tell him how much I love him. I just want him to know that all this time I have a strong feeling that I can't deny for him. I want him to know that he's everything to me.

But I know I can't do that. It is so wrong and selfish. He has a girlfriend and I'm sure he loves Luna very much. I can tell by his eyes. I can tell the way he tells me about her. I can tell the way he sees Luna. It's all like crystal clear and I can't just waltz in and ruin their perfect relationship.