Intractable

0.3

They said time could heal the wound. They said everything will be fine by the end of the day.

It was a total bullshit.

My heart still hurt. My chest felt like something heavy was on top of it. And I still had a freaking feeling to Ben. Was it really love? Was this what they called love? It was freaking painful and I didn't know how to stop it.

I cried everynight, thinking about Ben in the other room, thinking about when we were in highschool. He always held my hand when we were in school. He would always got my back. We would always spent our time together. It was like we were freaking dating and I wish we were!

I had been thinking about everything, about telling Ben that I fell in love with him and I couldn't hold it any longer or I'd go insane. Maybe I was already insane?

But I was too scared about what would happen if I told him? What if there wasn't anything left for me? What if he decided that it would be best if he stayed away from me and pretend that we didn't know each other? Was it worth it? Could I handle it? My life was practically revolved around him, he was like my other half, he was my person. How could I function without him beside me?

I wiped away the tears, taking a deep breath before let it out. It was past midnight and I couldn't sleep. Well, I was having trouble of sleeping for the past few weeks. No surprised.

I sighed before grabbing my guitar, deciding that it would be a good idea to continue my writing session.

Some people said that a great song comes from life experience, especially a sad or heartbroken song, make them memorable to the listeners. I wanted to make a music that everybody would remember, especially Ben.

So I decided to make a song based on my feeling towards him. If I couldn't say anything about my feeling to him then I could write about it and let him listen to it, let him listen to my poor heart.

So I began playing the guitar, trying to make a good melodies and harmonies.

I spent the next hours with papers were scattered on the floor along with my blue pen beside it. I always loved writing session and the processing of making a good melodies and harmonies. It was always something that I really liked since my dad bought me my first guitar.

I looked at the clock and it said 4 in the morning. Time went fast than I imagine. I let out a big sigh before putting my guitar on the carpet and stood up, deciding to make myself a cup of tea before going back with my guitar and my papers.

I almost jumped when I saw Ben. He was standing in front of my room, leaning his side against the doorframe.

He wore a white shirt and gray sweatpants. He had his hand crossed in front of his chest and he had no expression too. Did he just listen to my song or what? Because that would be obvious that that song was for him.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," he had his hands by his side now. "Your song woke me up. I've never heard you sing before and that was beautiful,"

I could feel my cheeks became rosy as I said thank you to him.

He smile before asking if I want some tea. I could've said no but it was hard, besides I was about to get one for myself.

We walked toward the kitchen and I sat on the kitchen counter while Ben made us the tea. He always knew what my favourite tea, a hot tea with a strong milk.

We were sitting on the couch with our feet on the table. He held his mug with his two hands while I put mine on my lap.

"Are you having an insomnia?" Ben asked out of nowhere.

I looked at him, trying not to look surprised. "No, why?" I lied. Honestly, it was easier when I lie to him about everything.

"Don't lie to me. I can see it in your eyes and you have that bags under your eyes," he put the mug on the table and grabbed my hand, caressing his thumb on top of my left hand.

I gulped, trying not to tell him the truth. But it was hard, it was like his eyes staring at me and burn my soul.

"Well, it's just school, you know. I was stressed about it," I smile weakly, hoping he would buy that.

He didn't say anything.

He decided to drop the topic and go back to sleep since he had a class this morning. He hugged me tightly before placing a kiss on my forehead and saying goodnight.

And once again I sat there, frozen, with his lips lingering on my forehed and my brain.

                                💕

Today was the day for the result of our songwriting task last week. The professor called some of the names who had the best score because their songs were great. Unfortunately my name wasn't on his list.

Guess my professor didn't take any interest in my lyric.

After he dismissed the class I grabbed my satchel and ready to go back to the apartment before the professor called my name.

I turned around and he was signaling me to come to his desk, so I did.

"Can I help you, professor?" I asked.

"I read the song that you wrote," he paused, it seemed like he had a trouble of expressing something about what he thought but he continued anyway. "I mean, it was a great song. The melodies and harmonies were great too, I played it on my guitar last night in front of my wife and she got goosebumps,"

Wait, what?

"I have a friend who is seeking for a songwriter at the moment. And I thought it would be great to introduce you to her," I felt like my jaw was about to drop. Was this real? Was this just a dream?

"I was hoping you would like to meet her tomorrow afternoon? Her name is Adele. You know Adele, right?"

What? Adele Adkins?

"Um, sorry, professor. Are you saying that I'm going to write a song with Adele? The Adele? The Rolling in The Deep Adele?"

My professor laughed a bit before saying yes. I almost jumped and giving him a hug but I just took his hand and saying thank you multiple times.

He said that he would contact Adele and gave her my email so she can talk to me about the songwriting and stuff like that.

I said thank you once again to him before leaving the class and walked back to my apartment with a smile. A genuine smile.

And my smile grew bigger as I realized it was the first time I felt happy.