"Heart beats fast,colours and promises"
Sherlock stares forward,his hand containing a half finished bottle of beer and his eyes focused intently on the plaid chair that once belonged to John.The chair that held both of the men through countless kissing wars.The chair that constantly held a man of warmth and happiness,but now held cold,nothingness.The chair was much less inviting without his blogger in it.There was always fast paced beating hearts in that chair,along with quiet moans and giggles erupting from the worlds only consulting detective and his blogger.There were always whispered promises of 'I love you' and 'you mean the world to me' in that chair.Life was lived in magnificent technicolour,but is now lived in many bleak shades of grey.
"How to be brave?How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?"
Sherlock had few relationships before John.They had lasted less than two months,and most turned out to be a joke.On the outside,Sherlock didn't care,his face staying as motionless and sullen as ever when told that it was a joke.On the inside of Sherlock's hard exterior,however,his heart wrenched at the news.His heart had wept,as did he when he was alone in the darkness of his bedroom.Then he met John.Perfect,caring,beautiful John.Sherlock began to trust again.His heart slowly burst out of it's stone armour,it fell head over heels in love all over again everytime caring glances were thrown Sherlock's way.Sherlock and John were in a cocoon of their own love,oblivious to everything else around them.Then Sherlock pulled the stunt.It was the only time in his life he had admitted he made a mistake.He returned two years later,to find John no longer in love with him,but instead with Mary.The stone armour grew around his heart again and the trust had dissipated into the air.
"But watching you stand alone,all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow"
Sherlock still loved John.In his head,his constantly alcohol affected head,John was still his John,not Mary's John.His heart pulsated violently everytime he saw those beautiful grey and blue eyes,hoping John felt the same while looking into Sherlock's blue,Husky-like irises.He thought himself lucky to still be the blogger's best friend,although he struggled greatly through being the man's best man.Sherlock had decided that he didn't care anymore.John stood in the bare space where his chair used to be;Sherlock had put it away,as he couldn't stand to sit in his own chair while being taunted by the other man's chair from across the room,though never having the heart to throw it away,along with all the memories they had made.John's face was illuminated beautifully by the roaring fire,his eyes squeezed tight with laughter.His laugh was music to Sherlock's ears.
"One step closer..."
Sherlock's heart pounded violently in his ears.His hands ferociously trembled with nerves.His breathing quickened and his mind turned as blank as a sheet.He was sure his skin turned as white as a sheet as well.
"Sherlock...are you okay?"
Sherlock tried to speak but no words came out.Instead,he took a step forward,grabbed John by the waist and let their lips meet.His hand snaked into John's hair,only to feel John go stiff beneath his touch and pull away from Sherlock.
"Sherlock! I....No,I don't.....I don't think we feel the same way.......I....I have to go."
John left the flat with haste,unintentionally slamming the door as a cause of his promptness.Sherlock fell back into his chair,grabbed his beer,and sobbed drunkenly into his palm.
Sherlock sent many text messages such as "I'm so sorry." and "I was drunk!".
John reluctantly accepted the claim to being drunk.
"I have died every day waiting for you"
John was married.Sherlock knew that.However,that fact didn't stop him from desperately wishing to be Mary every single day.He thought that maybe,just maybe,John would come to his senses and realise that he wanted and needed Sherlock more than anyone else.That was the thought that got Sherlock through every day.Unfortunately,this thought never became a reality.So,Sherlock began to drink,alcohol, along with the thought, supported him throughout daily life.
Sherlock knew that he should move on,that he should find someone else to fall head over heels in love with.Maybe even get married and have children.However,his subconscious always drifted back to John Hamish Watson.His doctor.His blogger.He couldn't do it,Sherlock just couldn't move on.He would be alone until the day where his heart decides to finally stop beating,because it only belonged to John.Nobody else but John was allowed to claim ownership on Sherlock's heart.Sherlock decided that he couldn't do it anymore.
He pressed John's number into his phone,his hands shaking immensely.It rang 5 times and Sherlock realised it may be easier if he leaves a voicemail.Too late.
"Sherlock...hi!"John greeted with false enthusiasm.
"J-John,hi!Well...There was..There was just s-something I needed to tell you.."Here goes nothing..
"Okay,what is it?"John replied.
Sherlock's heart was going to burst out of his ribcage at any given moment.
"I...I...s-still love you.Head over heels.But I can't do it anymore."A wave of de-ja-vu washed over Sherlock.He realised.He said these exact words two years ago."...Goodbye,John."He ended the call and stood on the chair,tying the noose around his neck.This was it,the end of everything.He kicked the chair and within milliseconds,his lifeless body hung from the ceiling.
