The Bitter Start.

Chapter twenty three

"What the FUCK.!" I heard his usual voice yell and I saw Dawson.. He was looking in between Luke and I, and his face was filled with pure rage.

  "You." he snapped at him, but I grabbed his arm.

"What is wrong with you!?" I snapped and he turned on me, putting me against the wall, hold not gentle, but touch not hurtful.

"Me? What's wrong with ME!? Fuck, I find out I'm being cheated on and you act like it's not a big fucking deal!? Why?" he yelled, and I stood wide eyed and shocked.

"Cheating?" I asked and he let go of me.

"Don't play fucking dumb." he snapped.

"Dawson I'm not-" he cut me off.

"Go wait in the car. Now." he yelled as he started to charge forward to Luke, but I grabbed on to his arm.

"No! No, Dawson just stop, please." I said exasperatedly, and he looked to me angrily.

"You think this is OK? Or were you just being thoughtless and didn't think I'd find out about it!?" he snapped as he faced me and my wide eyes were shocked.

"Just please, if you love me you'll come home with me and I can explain. I promise-"

"Don't." he snapped, cutting me off and I felt a sting pull through my chest. He looked away from me, walked up to Luke, punched him in the face, and then he walked out of the door.

"I'm so sorry.. I'll uh, I'll contact you soon. I'm sorry." I said and he nodded as he held his eye.

"Go. You need to explain things." he said and I jogged out of the door. I got in my car and I followed Dawson home, him going over the speed limit and rushing. I felt my heart pumping, my chest throbbing out of control and I felt sick to my stomach as if I might puke. Can I just explain the truth and us go back to the way we were?

I parked, and got out, slamming his door and walking inside. I got out and walked quickly after him, everyone in the house watching with wide eyes and shocked faces as he punched a hole in the wall.

"You're so fucking lucky that I didn't hit him hard, but for a moment I thought if the pretty boy's face got messed up permanently messed up you wouldn't want him anymore." he seethed as he faced me. Everyone was in a frozen position, the TV now off and everyone watching our moves.

"Dawson please, just let me explain! It's not what you thought of it as-"

  "You were in a FUCKING HOTEL with a different guy, CUDDLED up on the bed! What else am I supposed to take that as!?" he yelled, hitting a vase of flowers and letting the glass smash on the wooden floorboards.

"My stomach was hurting, I wasn't feeling good so I laid down! The last time he called me before he came down he said I sounded different, I sounded miserable and different, so he came down for me so he could make things better! He laid down beside me, not on me, not touching me, not even curved like me, he was just laying down and listening, and making me feel better!" I said and he grabbed me and put me against the wall angrily.

"If you were miserable and different, then you need to talk to me, let me make you feel better, have me brighten your day, because when I'm around you you're smiling and laughing and laid back, but fuck, was that just some game? A game of yours that you play against guys? Against your one!?" he snapped and I bit my lip, turning my head away.

"I couldn't talk to you.. I couldn't talk to you, or anyone here because it was something that I know wasn't right. And no it wasn't some game, it's not a game. I wouldn't  cheat on you, not for anyone anywhere. I promise that I haven't touched a guy and a guy hasn't touched me, except for you. Only you. I needed someone to talk to and that's it." I said and he couldn't look me in the eyes.

"And what did you need to talk to him about that you couldn't talk to me?" he asked and I turned my head away.

"..I think we need to talk in private." I said, my voice cracking from being strong.

"Whatever you say to me right now can be said to them." he said out loud and I closed my eyes for a moment.

"Fine.. You were right." I said and he made me turn to him.

"About what?" he said and I closed my eyes for a few moments, and I took a deep shaky breath.

"About me being pregnant..." I said and the room went from little movements and breaths to nothing, not even someone's breathing could be heard it was so quiet.

Then he sneered and backed away.

"And let me guess, it's not mine." he snapped and I rubbed my eyes.

"Oh it was yours.. I can't lie, you know that, and I swore up and down you were the only person I've had sex with." I said and he looked at me, emotionless now.

"Was?" he asked like it was a complex question.

"I was forced into an abortion.." I said and he just stared.

"Forced? I was there when you made the decision all on your own." Sawyer said determinedly and everyone turned to him.

"You knew?!" Ronny asked and he looked down but nodded.

"Fuck, you tell Sawyer, but not me!?" Dawson snapped at me, and I looked away.

"There's some I just didn't tell Sawyer.. After I left from our fight, I went into the emergency room and got a doctor's examination. She did an ultrasound and said the fetus had a.. A heart defect, she said it was clear I was going to end up having a miscarriage because it was dying, and it was going to happen faster than I'd imagine, and she said if I let it be, I'd be at risk also. That's why I made up the game. Is because I needed support, and I couldn't have sex for a period of time. I went to see Lucas because he's going to get the abortion off of my medical records." I said, forcing my eyes to stay dry. Everyone was looking at me, and Sawyer had his eyes trained on me.

"You just let me try and talk you out of it!? Let me get angry and upset and freaking pissed off when you had no choice? Why would you do that?" Sawyer said but I ignored him. I bit my top lip and looked down.

Dawson was staring at me, and then he just walked out of the door and slammed it shut on the way. It was still silent, and I was still pressed against the wall, but as time grew, I moved away and walked dully up the stairs. That was the first time I had admitted it out loud, and as soon as I shut my door, I felt small streams of tears fall down my face and I slid down the door itself and kept my body in a tight fetal position.

My head in my hands, I just stayed like that. I looked around my old room, before my eyes drooped and I was out.