A/N all things in parentheses without A/N next to it is your thoughts.))
Three years. Four months. Five days , and two hours.
Thats how long it had been since he lost you.
Thats how long ago the cancer took you from him. The one thing he couldnt protect you from. Illness. He hadnt been the same. He barely spoke. Rarely went out to parties. Ate alone. Cried alone. Visited your grave everyday. The weather didnt seem to bother him. When he did speak , it was him ordering the team to do something. When he did go to parties he didnt talk, he just stared. Or sat at the bar and drank even though he couldnt drink away the things he felt.
( Be safe.)
All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door
'Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die a happy man I'm sure
Many nights he spent clutching a picture of you close to him as he silently sobbed. He never slept unless he slept on your side of the bed. Even then the sleep was just as restless. His features had sunk , bright blue eyes no longer shone as they used to. Of course the team noticed. But after the first year they urged him to start dating again. He tried. But failed.
( Try try again.)
When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
I lay in tears in bed all night
Alone without you by my side
He remembered that day so vividly in his mind. The day you drifted into what ever happened after life. Peace, he hoped. Something other than what you were going through. You had been fine the night before. Or so you said. All the doctors said to him was
"She isnt responding to treatments. There fore we think it's best to stop."
Or
" Shes getting worse."
Worst of all. Even when you hadnt gone yet.
"Im so sorry for your loss."
Each word was a brick thrown at the thin glass of his emotions. He was a strong guy. He trained alot , faught alot , ate right , considered himself emotionally stable and happy. But nothing could prepare him for your death. He wasnt there when it happened , doctors made him leave , after calling Thor in to drag him out of the room as you shook violently. He had been holding your hand. Speaking to your pale form. You occasionally whispered things back to him a smile forming on your cracked lips. Then you stopped altogether, and began to cough. Shake. Groan. Then you started to scream and cry. He had never been so scared before in his entire life,and what a long life he had had. He to began to scream for nurses. Doctors. Anyone who could help him. To save you. He stood from the wooden chair he had been sat in for three days.
( Im so sorry. I love you.)
But If you loved me
Why'd you leave me?
Take my body
Take my body
Your hand weakly held his. Kissing the top of your thrashing head carefully he attempted to hold you down. It didnt work. Nurses rushed in with doctors. He threatened. They called your friends. And he was dragged away. Watching you die until the minute the door closed.
(Leave please. I dont want you to remember me like this.Dying)
The funeral was when it really hit him. You where gone. He couldnt hug you anymore. Kiss you. Enjoy your laugh , your touch , the simple joy of seeing you. Holding you. Loss was such an effective form of torment.
( Im hugging you now. I love you.)
Everyone was there. The team. Tony for once wasnt drunk, though at the burial of his best friend he wished he was. Natasha was ruined as Clint held her. The pair of assassins silently sobbing. Thor had brought Loki, they(at a time) had been like brothers to you. They weeped along side your darling Steve. Bruce looked stone faced but cried in the lab. Worst of all was Steve. He had to say goodbye to his world. His everything. You looked so peaceful. For the first time in a year. So at rest that it hurt him. Nat chose what you would wear. It killed him even more. Your wedding dress. It wasnt much. Just a simple white dress that hung loosely from your form. But it looked lovely on you.
( Im holding your hand now darling. I miss you already.)
All I want is,
And all I need is
To find somebody.
I'll find somebody like you.
Oooohhhh ohhh
He needed so badly now to hear your voice. To see your smile. To hold your small frame so tightly nothing could take you away.
(Im here. Im talking. Why cant you hear me?)
4 years. 8 months. 3 days, and 1 hour.
He was going to find someone. They would never fill the tremendous hole you left in his heart. No one could no matter how hard they tried. He knew you would want this for him.
(I do.I do. I do.)
7 years. 1 month. 6 hours.
He held her now in his arms. A genuine smile on his thin lips as they laughed at the movie (Your favorite movie) he still thought of you during this. He thought of you all the time. But she numbed his pain. Made him genuinely happy. He loved her like he loved you. Like he still loved you. She even went with him to visit you. Sometimes she went alone to thank you for making him the man he was.
The one she loved, the one their child was to love as you did.
( Protect him please.)
