I wake up to a cool breeze. The bed sheets are at my feet and Lizzy's warm body is nowhere to be found. She must have noticed I was going to leave, the note I wrote last night replaced her on the bed next to me. I pick it up and reread it before crumpling it with a slight squeeze of my hand and tossing it beside the bed. There's a clanking of pots coming from downstairs and I decide to get up to talk to Lizzy about why I was going to leave last night. As I sit up, my wig slides off my head so I pull my wig cap off too, shaking my head to give my natural hair some air. I push myself out of bed and walk to the kitchen where Lizzy is cooking breakfast in a tank top and underwear.
"You were going to leave last night," she says without looking at me. She's making over-easy eggs and toast and there's a smell of freshly brewed coffee that grows stronger the closer I get to her. "Without telling me."
I sigh to myself and lean over the counter to watch her cook. "Yesterday, I thought-I thought it was the right thing to do, but it took me a minute to decide it wasn't. I didn't want to tell you because I know you'd want me to stay, and I needed to get back home."
She looks at me while setting an egg down on one of the plates with a spatula. "Then why are you still here?"
"Because," I say, "home is with you." Her eyes move away from me, back into the pan where another egg is cooking. "I'm sorry."
She shakes her head, her black curls bouncing with it. "Don't apologize," she says as she brings two plates full of food to the table. "If I was you, I would fucking hate me."
"Why would I hate you?" I ask, taking a seat at the table.
"I was in the exact same situation as you," she says. "And it wasn't that long ago." She sits down at the table and her eyes don't leave me. "You find this person that completely sweeps you off your feet and it only takes one incident that makes you realize they're no good for you. I ruined your life...like how...he ruined mine." She stabs her egg with her fork, the yellow yolk slowly beginning to bleed and stretch to the far corners of her plate. I just noticed I haven't even looked at my food, so my eyes finally peel away from her face to look down. "I still hate him for it...I don't know how you don't hate me," she continues.
I slice a piece of butter off from the stick placed in between us. "I don't hate you because you didn't ruin my life," I say and spread the butter on my toast. "You're not a bad person, Lizzy."
Her sudden lack of confidence saddens me. Her bright eyes I went to bed with yesterday were dull now. I'm thankful I decided to stay, knowing that she would have been destroyed if I left her. It was so clear yesterday, that I would take a connecting flight home and put everything behind me, but my mind clouded over with Lizzy. I know with her being so fragile, that probably won't happen any time soon. And anyway, I would miss the fuck out of her if I went home. Spending the foreseen future without her is something I don't even want to think about now. Looking at her sad face, I push my food away and climb onto her lap, giving her a long bear hug.
"I don't hate you," I repeat, digging my face into her neck.
Her arms wrap around me and we sit like this for a long time, embracing each other and showing each other what our words have already said. Of course I didn't hate Lizzy, how could I? Even though she's the one who got me here, it wasn't her intention to. Besides, I might even be able to get used to living life this way. Throwing away my old identity and living a life of excitement on the road, being bad with a beautiful woman who I could call my own was definitely better than being stuck working a nine to five job. I couldn't hate Lizzy for showing me excitement and a new way of living; it's what I came to America craving. I don't tell her this; I just show it to her through my actions.
When I get back to my food, it's cold, but I don't mind. I eat it, staring at Lizzy the entire time anyway, not even looking down at the food on my plate. She blushes, but holds my gaze anyway, keeping her eyes locked on mine for the entirety of the meal.
Lizzy left me alone in the safe house to get a few items she needed from a store down the street. Today, I've decided to show her more affection than usual so she can get the idea that I hate her out of her head. I didn't realize how fragile she was until this morning, how by just getting the wrong idea of a situation could set off a chain of thoughts in her head that would lead to self-destruction. I definitely couldn't leave her in this state, despite my thoughts from yesterday. I decide to show her what love is again, she seems to have forgotten and I need to fix her.
It's midday and I'm watching an infomercial for a blender. It's completely in Spanish, so I can't understand anything, but I can tell they're doing the most to sell it. I'm smoking one of the last cigarettes from the Newpoort pack, only leaving one for Lizzy as the front door opens and someone walks inside. Usually, I'd wait on the couch for her to come to me, but I decide to welcome her with a hug today.
I put my cigarette out on the ashtray next to the couch and rush over to the door. I smile, expecting to see her, but see a complete stranger instead. He looks at me confusedly, and I don't even get to take in any of his facial features before I remember I still have the gun tucked into the waistband of my leggings from last night.
"Who the fuck are-" Is the only thing the man can say before I pull my gun out and shoot him.
