Sidemen Preferences and Imagines [ discontinued ]

Josh Imagine

You remembered everything. The way he laughed when you were curled in his lap because he didn't want to wake you up.
You remembered the way he looked at you, different to any other person in the world. The little glimmer in his eyes was your favorite thing, it was amazing.
You remembered his smile. It was different to how he would smile to the boys, or his past lovers. Even the fans, as well. He was so grateful for you, the smile he gave you showed it off as much as his words did.
You remembered his arms, how strong they were, yet how gentle they felt around you. He could hold onto you for ages, whether he was recording, streaming, hanging out with the guys, or even sleeping.
You remembered his words. Your favorite. "I love you." He said that so often, but it never seemed to get old to you, which confused both you and him. But, he loved it. He loved it, and you.
You remembered when he left.
You remembered when it broke your heart, too.
The boys left. One by one, you were stuck in the once so lively house which held the seven boys. But now, it was silent. The patter of your feet down the stairs were the only thing you could hear.
They say silence is the one thing that can make you truly insane, and that's what was happening. Everything reminded you of him. He left pictures of you two, left the sweatshirt that was in your drawer, everything else was gone.
His bags were packed, his blanket and his whole set up in the house was packed and gone.
Something had to be wrong with you, people don't just leave with no explanation. No note, no text, nothing.
You weren't okay. You were broken. You had a job and you still had to take care of yourself. This was your house too, you couldn't leave. It was all you had left of the boy you loved and your best friends.
You made a second account just so Josh couldn't see if you watched his videos like you always used to. You checked, and he had moved to Vegas. You watched a vlog. A girl. He had a girl. A girl under his arms.
You broke down. He looked at her the same way he looked at you. He had that glimmer in his eyes.
He gave her that smile that he gave you.
He kissed her like he kissed you.
It was a week. One week.
He had moved on. You two hadn't even ended it officially, he didn't talk to you at all. You logged into your main account, and made a video. Called, "Dear Josh."
You knew he watched your videos, he always did when you were sleeping. He loved to, and you didn't know why.
You took a deep breath, putting the sweatshirt sleeves over your hands.
"So, I know all of you guys are going to be surprised. But, since me and the guys don't talk anymore, this is my last chance to talk to you, Josh. It wasn't ended officially. I thank you for all the good times. All of the times you made me smile, laugh, and all of the times you made me feel loved. You are amazing, and you leaving makes me think no less of you than I do now. Although I don't understand," you wiped your eyes.
"Why everybody just packed up and left. I don't know what I did. But, I want to say, that if she is your happy, than I'm happy for you." You breathed out. "Thank you for watching, and 'cya." You and Simon shared and outro, it was quite funny, but it was sad and serious this time. The camera was covered with your hand, signaling the end of the video.
You went to sleep that night. The first time in a week and a half for the whole night. You had messages from Josh.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
"Please, Y/N."
"Don't do anything stupid."
"Answer me."
"I'm coming back right now."
"I'm so sorry."
You didn't answer when you woke up.
You got one more message. "I know you aren't okay. But, I'm not either. Goodbye."
That was the end.
And you weren't okay.
But neither was he.