Behind The Mask

When can I be happy?

"Alright,bye have a good night! I love you guys!" I forced a smile and blew kisses to all my fans at the meet n' greet.
     The moment the last of my fans went put the door, a frown appeared. I love my fans, but something in my life is missing. It just isn't enough. I need something more so I can finally be..happy. I can't remember the last time I was happy ever since the incident..
    I remembered all my fans, they were all smiling and laughing.  They had happiness, a family, friends. They had everything I couldn't have, the things I failed to live with, the things I had to suffer without.
Tears in my eyes formed at the thought. I couldn't let that show, so I ran to the taxi. I told no one I was gone. Home..No, not home! I couldn't go there, at least not now. I needed time to..think, someplace quite, someplace that didn't bring to many memories, someplace where I co-

"Where to, miss." The taxi driver said quite grumpily.Damn, I hate it when people interrupt my thoughts.

"Umm, the park. Thank you." I said with a fake smile. I seemed to be faking smiles a lot ever since..

No, not that!Get that out of you mind. Now is not a place to cry.

'Shut up!' I fought back with my self conscious.We did that a lot. But of course, it was always right.

"Anytime, miss." The taxi driver said , much happier this time.

I only nodded and turned my head. I wondered what Mom is doing, or Amelia.
Amelia was my older sister. We didn't exactly hate each other but we weren't close.
Amelia was always better then me. Whatever she did, she always came out on top. Projects, contests, school, she was always number one. I hated that. I hated it so much. I couldn't beat her at anything.
Mom was always busy running her company, she never had time for us. It was always work, work, work. She knew about my depression, but she did ever even try? No.
'She never cared for us, never will.' I thought bitterly, it was true. My mom buried herself in work. Amelia and I never got to see her.

I looked outside the window, we arrived at the park. I saw two kids fighting, arguing. They looked mad, upset, and..sad. Like I was.
  I sighed.
And nothing will ever change that.

"Alright, miss we're here. That will be $54.28." The taxi driver said, holding out his hand for the money.
I only shrugged and handed him $60.00, now holding my hand out for change.

He handed me $5.72 back. "Good night, miss." He said as he started the engine, ready to leave.

I nodded and waved. Then I ran, I didn't care where I was going just someplace quite. I let the tears flow freely, I wasn't happy, I wasn't in years.
I looked over, I saw the same two kids-who were once arguing- playing together. They looked..happy, really happy.
'When can I finally be happy? When will I smile, and laugh again? When will I have happiness in my life?' I thought, tears staining my cheeks.
I sighed and asked myself a question.
"When?".