It hit me when i saw Nick lying on the bed.
I remember. I remember everything. I remember Josh dying and how it was my fault. I remember trying to kill myself. I remember hating Nick. I remember how everyone hated me. I remember everything and the pain is back. It's all back.
I slide down the wall and burst into tears. Nick got out of bed and ran towards me.
"You remember everything, don't you?"
I couldn't move my lips and instead continued crying uncontrollably.
He didn't say anything but held me as i cried.
"It'll be okay, i promise you."
"How can you believe that, Nick? You're in this place because you tried to end your life and so did i."
"We can get through it together. I'll be here for you, always."
"What if you try it again, Nick? What if you decide that you can't do it anymore? What happens then? I'm not going to watch that happen to you."
He let go of me and sat beside me.
"I don't know, Rip. I don't know what will happen but i know that as long as we have each other, we can at least try."
"Okay, Nick. Okay."
"That's my girl."
I know i can't do it but i had to lie. He needs to be alive and i should be dead.
"Are you going to tell your parents you have your memories back?"
No.
"Yea, not now though." I lied.
"Okay, but promise me you'll tell them and get help. Okay?"
"Okay."
I am never telling them and i am never getting help. I killed Josh. I am a disgrace, a waste of human flesh and i deserve to die.
