Christmas break starts tomorrow and I can't bear the thought of spending the entire week at home doing nothing. I'm scared of what i might do, when it's 3 a.m and i'm alone with the bad thoughts in my head. Does it make sense to be scared of yourself?
Ninety nine percent of me wants to die.
One percent of me is utterly terrified of the things I'll miss when i'm gone.
And that one measly percent gets me every time.
Why does my chest ache?
Why are there tears in my eyes?
Why does my head hurt but i don't know what my thoughts are?
Why is my body numb but i'm still moving?What happened to me? How did i get so broken?
I don't have an excuse for being the way i am, i mean my parents are divorced and my mother used to beat me up till i was fourteen but that's not why I am the way i am right now. It''s like ii don't have any emotion. I feel so empty. I'm not happy or sad. I'm nothing. It's like my mind is spinning, but i can't feel anything.
I stare at the ceiling of my bedroom and wonder if that's how she felt too.
