I....
...
..,
I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't see the point of doing anything anymore, what's the point of living, breathing, existing? I don't see the point of my existence. I killed the love of my life, I don't deserve life. I should be the one who's buried three feet underground, not him. Josh didn't do anything wrong, i did. I treated people like shit without even realizing what i was doing was totally wrong. I deserve to be the one who's dead, not him. Everybody loved Josh,nobody loves me. Nobody. I don't even love me.
I keep getting flashbacks of the incident. I couldn't see what was happening, i could only hear. I wish i could've been there to hold him and apologize to him and tell him that everything was okay and that i love him so much. But that didn't happen. He died thinking the opposite, he died alone thinking that he was wrong. He died trying to apologize to me and i refused to accept his apology.
I feel like the devil. When i die, fuck it. I know that i'm going to hell. I belong there, i deserve to suffer for what i had done to Josh. I will not go to heaven. Heaven is for people like Nick. Young, innocent, kind,Nick.
