This is a slam inspired by the facebook post of a friend of mine. He was pouring out his soul and it really hit hard, so I had to rewrite it into a poem for him. Being a slam it's meant to be listened to rather than read, so here's a quick recording for you to listen along with - http://vocaroo.com/i/s1iTlM5JJEGM (Copypaste the link in "dedicated to")
Chris -
Time to come clean
wash it all off in the rain, eulogy hurricane
I am not strong, if anything I'm scared of everything
I'm not the go to person, I'm running from the sunset
you're following a false prophet to old horizons.
I hurt every day,
mask my misery with anger
judge people to hide my own insecurities
so for what it's worth
I'm sorry.
I once had a friend tell me he 'wished he could do half the shit I've done'
what? Smoke weed and lose countless jobs
have a barrage of failed friendships
failed relationships
neglect the idea of a happy ending
Fuck no.
I told him right then and there
"you don't wanna be me"
I wake up wishing I hadn't
I depend on pot to wake me up again
Lately, I've stopped waking up again
Hoping to make that change
hoping to revert back to the unwake
Hoping to unbreak and remake
myself outside of mistakes
my mind makes, the forked road
my feet take and stand here
for who's sake?
For someone following me down the wrong road?
sheep travel in herds, I've copied trends
originality is a dead shephard
I've turned to chemicals to burn the pain
I've turned to whiskey in the pouring rain
I've cried from rooftops and
I am not your fucking hero
There will never be a cape on my back
You still have a chance to get one of your own.
I can't fight monsters when I wake up scared
I still jump the distance between my light switch and my matress
I'm scared of what this misery will do
I'm scared of how far I can be pushed
I know suicide isn't the way out, I had to learn when Brooke talked me out of it
Even this poem is selfish and I've hurt way too many people to stop now
So for what it's worth, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I never listened to myself
I'm sorry I make the wrong choices
I'm sorry I live a toxic lifestyle
I'm sorry I can't stay true to something that was never there to begin with
I'm sorry there's razorblades stuck between my toes and it hurts to take the next step
I'm sorry for tricking you out of your sympathy
And I'm sorry you had to know me.
