Pain

Willow Tree

        I'm not aware of anything as I try to escape. It didn't work before but it has to now, or I'm royally screwed. The images flash through my mind, but that's not all. I see it. I hear it. I feel it. I'm reliving it, and frankly I wish I could crawl in a hole and die right about now. At least it would get me away from the world. Away from everyone I have to protect. I'd be able to feel the pain, and not have to worry about others seeing it.

        As the thoughts go through my head I banish them, I can't do that to the people I love. It's just wrong if I do. I know that I'll have to fight this decision pretty much every day of my life from here on in, but I have to stay strong. For as long as possible. When the time comes (like now) and I can't hold it in, then I run. Wind rushes past my face, and that's when I realize two things: I'm running, and I'm crying. I don't remember doing either, but I can't think about that now.

        Looking at my surroundings I realize I ran to the park. The old willow tree I used to climb when I was younger and needed to think, cry, or I just wanted to be left alone is here. The park is deserted, which is a lucky break. I beeline for the willow and as soon as I'm close enough I start to climb. Not paying attention to the climbing I get a bit of a shock when I realize I'm already at the thickest part of the tree-where no one can see me but I can see them. I lean against the trunk of the tree, and I try to fight away the memories. But I still see flashes.

        The music. The heat of his arms around me. Screaming for help, but no one noticing. The pain. His laugh. I can't stop hearing his laugh. Squeezing my eyes shut as tight as I can get them, I cover my ears, and I fold in on myself. My face is between my knees, which are up to my chest, and my elbows are on the outside of my knees.

        The images don't fade fast enough, and when they're finally gone I start to breathe again. Slowly I unfurl my body and I begin to climb down. However, stupid me didn't think that I had been followed, or that I ever would be followed. So when I hear that same heart-melting voice that had teased me, I freeze. Ever so slowly I turn around, and I know my face is showing how shocked I am right now. I look up into his blue eyes and I shake my head.

        "Why did you follow me," I meant it to come out strong, demanding. Instead it comes out as a feeble whisper. I can't believe I didn't realize he had followed me. I'm such an idiot!

        "Well generally girls don't run away from me. And they definitely don't say they're sorry. Or look like they're about to have a melt down. So I was kinda curios," he states it simply as if I should already know this. I just stare at him in shock until he clears his throat, and I realize I've been staring at him for a while. I quickly look down at the ground as he asks me, "So what was that episode you just had up there?"

        I glance up quickly in surprise and fear. If he saw then he would tell. They wouldn't be protected anymore. I make my face go blank, or at least I try to, and I ask

        "What episode?"

        He narrows his eyes. "The one where you ran from me, shaking and wide eyed. Ran to the park, climbed a tree, curled into yourself, and just shook for about half an hour. THAT episode."

        Raising my eyebrows I calmly say, "I don't know what you're talking about."

        He glares at me, and I know this will turn into an argument.

        "Go ahead, try again. Because we both know that you're lying."

        This time it's my turn to narrow my eyes. This guy is really starting to get on my nerves. I quickly say goodbye, and turn to go home. He yells to me, "This isn't over!" but I don't stop. I don't look back. But I know he's telling the truth. I have a feeling I'm going to be seeing a lot more of him, and that that won't be our first or our last argument.