His footsteps echo through the room as he paces and I know he wants to comfort me, but he's scared to. It doesn't take him long to make up his mind about what he wants to do though, because after a minute or two I can feel his arms wrap around me. At first I tense. I'm just not used to being held anymore. It scares me to death. But his arms feel different.
I'm still crying, and I realize I've curled into myself, as I tend to do now. Only this time I don't try and fight off the memories. I let them flood me, and I finally begin to accept that I'm not fine. I'm shaking and pretty dang sure that his arms are the only things that are keeping me in one piece.
It scares me because I have a feeling it won't be the only time I'll need him to keep me whole, but I can't let anyone help me. Just like I can't tell anyone. Then again that went flying out the window...so why can't I let him hold me together, just this once? There's no harm in it. And God knows I do need all the help I can get. (However if, Jace or anyone else ever found that out I would deny it.)
I hear him whisper in my ear, "Shhhh, it's okay. You can get through this. WE can get through this."
I shudder at the words. It just sounds like I have to depend on him too much. I hate having to depend on anyone. Besides I'm supposed to be the strong one, I always have been. His arms are warm around me, and I can't help but burrow close to his chest. As I do he tightens his arms around me, and I decide that just this once. Just this once I will allow myself to be held together by someone other than myself. That I will allow myself to be held and comforted. As I come to this decision my body relaxes, and I soon find myself whimpering while he rocks us back and forth. And I'm surprised I cried. I allowed myself to think of what happened, and to feel the pain I've been trying so hard to fight. With that last thought I blissfully fall into sleep and for some reason, maybe the warmth of his arms or the lull of the rocking or the fact that I finally let myself feel the pain, I find myself relaxing more and more as I fall into a dreamless sleep for the first time in a long time.
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Pain
Teen FictionPain. It's all different for everyone. We all have our own tolerance, and our own versions of it to deal with. So if you consider it, my pain isn't all that important. I mean, people get raped every day right? And my rapist marking me as his, it's n...
