Chopped & Screwed

Chapter 30: Fate Pt. 2

Trae's POV

One Month Later

I haven't talked to Jakiyah since we had our argument at my crib. At first I was happy about breaking up with her because I didn't have to deal with anything, and to make it better she didn't beg or cry to get back with me. But now I'm starting to feel bad and regret my decision, not because we broke up but because I think I really hurt her. She's a sweet girl and she didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated her. And to be 100, I actually love and care about her, I can't see myself being with any other female. I ask about her all the time, and Sydney tells me she's doing good. She blocked me on all her social media, but I still check on her. I had my cousin follow her on everything so I could still see her. I just wanna see if she posts stuff about the baby, or to see if she's getting bigger. She's not really showing and she's still small. Since I can't go back to the high school, I'm not able to see her then. She's about to graduate soon and she even missed prom. If I could go back, I swear I wouldn't have said some of the shit I said. I wish I could be there for her, even though I still don't want any kids right now. But it's wild though that I be seeing all types of cute babies on the Internet, it kind of got me having baby fever. I know I shouldn't have told her to get an abortion, but it was only a suggestion. Shit, girls I know get that all the time.

I hardly touched the syrup or popped any pills since then. I've smoked a lil bit here and there, so I guess you can say I'm somewhat sober. My mama be giving me drug tests and I fail every single one of them hoes. Now that I am kind of sober, I see how fucked up I am. I used to trip out when people would talk about how the drugs were messing me up, and now I see what they were talking about. Doing that stuff everyday was not cool, and I was turning out to be just like my pops. It's hard not to since I sell drugs, but my moms keep threatening to put me out. Fuck that, I'm saving up to get my own shit; I been looking too.

But y'all, that night after all that shit happened, I came home and couldn't stop thinking bout it. My mama did her usually fussing, saying I shouldn't have disrespected Jay and all this nonsense. I really get tired of my mama not taking my side. She doesn't understand that my fuse is short and I can't trust anyone. The reason I started going off was because life always fucks me over. Just as I think something going good, a bunch of shit goes bad. So I blamed Jakiyah, even though I know this is my fault too. And then my mama started putting her hands on me, I just left the house after that. I didn't have no where to go so I sat in the car all night, getting high as fuck. I cried like a fucking baby, she the only girl who can get me to cry. At one point I was like, I should apologize then I was like naw fuck her. I woke the next afternoon and was still mad about it.

Now that a month has passed I don't know what to do without Jakiyah. I've been asking Sydney to set something up so I could run into Jay, but Sydney said she can't do that. I guess I just have to let fate work it out. If she doesn't want to take me back I'll understand, but I feel like I should do something to help with the baby. Maybe I should hit her up and ask if she needs anything, I'm pretty sure she will if she still isn't back at home with her moms. I'm gonna swallow my pride and call her, private though.

*rinnnggg rinnnggg*

Hello...

Hellooooo.... If you gone play on my phone at least say something!
*click*

I couldn't do it. I couldn't get myself to say anything. Now if I call back private she's not going to answer. Fuck. Shit, fuck it I don't need to talk to her anyway. But the baby might need me, so I should just hit her up. Hell, I don't know what to do. Because if I call and she start going off, I'm gone be pissed and imma regret it. But if I don't I'm going to be sitting up thinking about the shit. Ima just text her, yeah that's it. And I'm only doing this to check on the baby, because I know she might need help.