Chopped & Screwed

Chapter 54: Young Reckless Nigga

Trae's POV

"So you finally ready to have a talk?" My mama said to me as she held the baby.

"I mean, I just came over here for you to see the baby. We can talk if you want to though." I shrugged my shoulders.

"You really upset that I'm dating a cop, Trae? Is it that serious to you?"

"It's not that." I looked at Derrick and not her.

"Then what is it?! Because I'm your mother and at one point all we had was each other and you end up doing me like this."

"You wanna put the baby down?" I don't want her getting too mad or nothing while she holding my son.

"He's fine..."

"Okay, well it's not that you dating ole dude. I mean yeah, I disagree with you dating him but whatever. Mane... I feel like I went through so much and all we did was beat each other down in the midst of it all. I'm just tired of arguing with my own mama, you never try to see the good I'm doing."

"I never try to see the good? So I never congratulated you on graduating? Wasn't I the one who begged your principal to let you come back? And didn't I tell you how proud I was that you got your own spot? So many times you gave me the reason to change the locks on your ass so don't even go there with me." She put Derrick back in his car seat.

"Yeah, but what about when I tried to tell you that Mike tried to get me killed and you still kicked me out the house because I fought him. All I did was fight him, ma. Or all those times you took Jakiyah side even though you had NO idea what we was arguing about. Don't let me bring up pops, all I EVER tried to do was provide for us." I was getting in my feelings now.

"Damn, Trae! Can we have one conversation without you bringing up your daddy? Okay, I fucked up sometimes. I'm not perfect but I'm still your mama! You don't know how it is to raise a hardheaded boy by yourself. I only want the best for you and you constantly put your life in danger, you don't know how much I worry at night because of you. When I fuss at you I don't mean to be a bitch, but you're all I got."

"No we gotta talk about it, because that's the problem. We keep throwing this shit under the rug and it's getting worse. We both know that his death is why me and you can't get along for real. You never wanna talk about my pops, I wanna talk about it."

".... You just remind me so much of him. Every time I look at you it reminds me of that day. It used to piss me off so bad when you would come home high. Your eyes low and red, looking like your zoned out. It hurts me so bad to say, but when you started doing that shit I hated you, I hated you Trae. How could you do that to me, to yourself? I cried myself to sleep for years because your father was selfish just like you! I told him to stop that shit a long time ago, he let all that eat away at his body and I watched him deteriorate." She cried super hard, like she's been holding it in for a long time.

"That was my way of dealing with it! I know it sounds stupid, but drugs made me feel better. I know I hurt you mama, but I was going through it too." I wiped the tears that fell from both our faces.

"I had to do all this by myself, nobody helped me. It was so hard, Trae. I don't see why he didn't just stop. Did he not want to be here? Was he not happy?" She continued to cry with her face buried in my chest.

"It's all good mama, you did the best you could. Let it out." I patted her back.

"I'm sorry if I didn't do good enough. I've been angry and took it out on you because you're so much like your dad."