TWO + TWO = FIVE

(6) After - Nathan Miller

Chapter Six
AFTER
Nathan Miller

"She's back too."

The words of my good friend Aiden Brooks were still circling around in my head, causing my anchored sadness to deepen until I couldn't take it anymore.

Shít, this whole Dana Williams situation was killing me from the inside out. It was hard to eat, hard to sleep and even hard to breathe. Surviving was my own difficult challenge. A challenge which was currently breaking me into pieces.

Why had I been such a stupid jerk, to begin with? Why had I done something this dumb? Stealing money from someone you love, someone who definitely had loved you back, in order to help people you thought had loved you, but never did.

Not only had I disappointed her, the love of my life, but myself too. She had been my flashlight, guiding me out of this darkness surrounding me. The warmth, keeping me alive in this cold and cruel world. My fresh air in this polluted environment.

She had been everything to me. And I had jeopardized all this, to help my parents who had only used me. Used my weak spot because I had thought that family was even more important than her.

A terrible mistake.

If I would've known that this would've happened, I would have never taken the stupid money. She would've never been this angry and most certainly, she would've never told me that she had been too hurt to forgive me.

"I'm still so pathetic", I breathed out, my eyes fixed on my reflection in the mirror. A guy with cobalt-blue eyes, dark under-eye circles, and ruffled mocha-brown hair was staring at me. Questioning me why he was feeling so miserable.

"Because that's what you deserve", I explained and he was still staring at me, believing what he just heard. His eyes blank, his expression dead, but he was still here which meant that he had survived.

Dana Williams, the girl with soft, sandy-blonde hair, the most stunning seaweed-green eyes and fairy-pale skin, was one of the most beautiful girls walking on this goddamn terrible planet. Shy, lovable, obedient, but mostly, simply amazing. She was the perfect mixture between adventurous and down-to-earth.

A girl with a stunning personality. Way better than you could imagine.

"Nathan, are you alright?", a deep voice asked when I opened the front door of my small apartment and my good friend with dirty-blonde, long hair was staring at me, worried.

"Aiden, hey what's up?"

"Are. You. Alright?", he repeated and I shook my head from one side to the other. He was the only one knowing how miserable I was really feeling.

"Okay, well. Here is what we're going to do. We have to make sure that Kyle helps you with this state you're in. He lost his girl to another man. A man she is now married to and he, at least, seems happy. So I guess, we just have to make you forgive yourself and maybe you can move on. Find your own happiness", he explained and I smiled weakly.

Kyle Launey was my idol. The one I was looking up to. How could he move on and be happy after what happened to him? I was impressed with how strong he was. His personality, his mature behavior. Everything impressed me about him. I wanted to be like him because his smile seemed honest.

"Do you really think that he can help me?"

"Kyle can nearly do everything."

"But I'm different than him", the words left my mouth and Aiden stared at me, trying to understand me. Just the way the broken guy in the mirror was looking at me. Trying to figure out what to do with someone like me.

"That's true."

"Maybe I'm supposed to feel like this."

"No, you're not. We're going to fix you", he promised and it was the first time in a while that I was able to trust what someone else said.

"You promise?"

"I promise that you'll be able to find happiness and that you'll learn how to forgive yourself", he said as I took a step forward, wrapping my arms around him. He knew what he had to say in order to make me feel better.

"Thank you, Aiden."

"Don't thank me, at least, not yet", he chuckled before he told me to get dressed.

Aiden has been gone for three hours now and I couldn't stay in this claustrophobic apartment anymore. Whenever he left, I felt more depressed and more pathetic since he was the only one who could make me smile again.

My feet strolled along the sidewalk of Main St while I headed towards the most popular supermarket in my city. A market selling organic food; quite expensive organic food.

"Whole Foods"

It has been days since I have been grocery shopping and I thought that it might be a good idea to change my surroundings by walking thirty minutes to this goddamn huge supermarket.

Geez, I swear that I might get lost. It had happened before. To be honest, I was twelve back then and my mother and I, we was together, but it surely was a traumatic memory.

When I think about it now, it felt like my mother wasn't even paying attention to me. Her only child. A twelve-year-old boy with horrible orientation skills lost in a crowded mess. Crying for his mommy until a nice lady with blonde hair and a warming smile took care of me.

It should've rung a hundred bells in my head back then. Signalizing me that I wasn't important enough to be taken care of.

God, I hate my parents. I have lost my everything because of them and what did they do? Telling me that it had been my fault for getting caught. Instead of trying to comfort me, they stabbed me in my back, turning and twisting the knife to deepen the pain.

"Hello and welcome to Whole Foods", a lady in black and green uniform greeted me and I nodded in return.

Geez, too many aisles. Too many shelves. A labyrinth of food. How am I supposed to find everything I need and then find my way out of here? Where is the polite blonde-haired lady who rescued me the first time?

"Excuse me?", a high voice asked, but I ignored it. Thinking that it wasn't directed at me.

"Nathan? Nathan Miller?", I turned around when the last syllable flew through the air and I stared at a girl with a bewitching smile on her face.

Another lady with blonde hair who wasn't here to rescue me this time.

"Dana."