¤ Little Heart Talks ¤

Go for it and burn bright ♥

I can't help but love you, even though I try not to. ~ War of Hearts (Ruelle)

        I never expected what is happening to me right now. 3rd crush in a row. But it is a kind of unusual one.

        At the beginning of the school year, I had spotted him from afar but I had never spoken to him and I had no reason to. I had quite a weird feeling towards him but I couldn't help but notice him when he was around. What attracted me at first was his wardrobe. I was in love with his clothes: ripped jeans, shirts, leatherish jackets. And then his hair. Long and straight light brown hair which he usually ties up in a bun. Sometimes he also wears this geeky glasses which bring a contrast to his looks but yet suits him so well. I lately also noticed that he had a piercing in his left ear. Whatever. I loved his looks but he seemed rather superficial. He had this kind of behavior where when a teacher would make him some remark, he would snap back a mean comment. But one should never remain on their first impression.

        Therefore, at the beginning of the New Year, I started to try and begin a relationship with him and some of his friends, so it would not seem so suspicious. I am not what you would call someone discreet on that kind of matter so it was rather weird to start something. I am very reserved, shy and quiet so I have to work a lot on that and make myself heard so they won't forget I am here. But even when I don't say a word, he doesn't seem to forget my presence. Luckily, I had some friends to kind of back me up and he shares my fascination for psychopaths. So that it how we go in touch.

        Now, we talk every day in class and usually don't seat far from each others so when one of us makes a comment, we all laugh together. We took the habit of eating everyday together, we even went to the cinema all together. With one of his friends, we went to the gardens of the Castle of Versailles one afternoon when we did not have class and took some pictures together.

        Yesterday, he was talking with that same friend about going to Disneyland alongside some of their best friends when she asked me if I wanted to come along, he replied that there was no need to ask the question, that I was coming anyway. I replied, glad that they would think about me outside of school and he offered that I would come with one of my friends if she was interested. I knew she would be so I said yes on her behalf.

        Today, though it was cold and raining, I wore shorts and heels, and when he saw that, he asked me if I was not cold dressed like that. I don't know whether it was real concern or he just thought I was crazy but at least he saw, he noticed what I wanted him to see: me.

        Later on, his friend I was talking about above and I joined him, my Parabatai and another of his friends for lunch. We all spent the afternoon together and had a great amount of fun. I got the opportunity to see him dance so I was able to look at him move his ass right under my nose. It was one of the best afternoons ever.

       However, I really wonder if anything could happen. I doubt so much on my qualities and I don't know what he could see in me that would attract him... And I am more and more frightened about what I might be feeling for him. But I hope for the better and we will see how everything turns out.

~ Eli G.