Looking forward, not back (OMIMB SEQUEL.)

> 9 <

"And the bottom of the Primark bag only went and ripped in the rain, dropping my white dress for my aunt's wedding into a puddle!" Issy laughs, telling us about her morning. Olly and Issy don't think that I am here for any reason in particular; they just think Alex and I were just paying a visit.

We were all sitting on the couches watching TV and talking about anything and everything, Alex's hand never leaving my thigh the whole evening. I knew I had to tell Olly about Nathan but the longer I sat here the more I put myself off the idea.

"So Leah," I jump at the sound of Olly's voice directed towards me, "How has your week been?" I look at the floor, my anxiety too high to even function a conversation right now, I slowly mumble, "Yeah, fine." I feel the awkward tension fill the room as I end my sentence there but I seem to forget every word in the English language to be able to say anymore.

"Are you okay?" Olly asks, I feel every one's eyes on me and I shift uncomfortably, suddenly feeling the all too familiar symptoms of a panic attack arising.

"I'm just going to the toilet," I rush my words and wobbly get up off the couch and leave the room, almost walking into the door on the way out. I hear Alex say something from the living room but the room is spinning and I couldn't catch what he said.

I ignore the fact that I just told everyone I was going to the toilet and rush to the kitchen instead, shakily pulling out a chair from the kitchen table and sitting down.

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

My panic begins to grow as my normal methods of regulating my breathing and heart rate doesn't work. All thoughts of pouring myself a glass of water go out the window when I suddenly realise that this is the most severe panic attack since my ordeal ten years ago and that the panic attack has paralysed me. I seem to be stuck to the chair, my body too heavy to lift up.

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

"Leah?" I hear Olly walk down to the kitchen, I watch as he pushes the barely closed door open and locks eyes with me, "Leah?!" He immediately runs over to me, realising the state I'm in and rubs my back, "you okay?!"

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

"Shit...panic attack?!" Olly realises as he notices what I'm doing, he runs over to the kitchen drawer and pulls out a brown paper bag, "here, try this." I use all my remaining strength to take the paper bag from Olly and place it to my mouth.

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

Olly gets a glass from the cupboard and pours some water into it, placing it beside me on the table as he pulls out another chair and sits in front of me. "Breathe...it's okay, you are safe. Nothing can harm you okay? All the doors and windows are locked, I can open them whenever you want me too, you are not trapped in here but you are safe." Olly goes through the words he used to calm my panic attacks with when I was younger.

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

I slowly begin to feel my pulse return to normal and my breath regulating, I take the bag away from my mouth to replace it with the glass of water; my body feeling much lighter in weight than it did a few moments ago.