The Greener Field

Friends and Enemies

When the lights came back on Sarah switched on the TV to catch the local news about the storm. She needed to assure herself that the power failure was a natural phenomenon and not any attempt by Jess or anyone else to disable her house. It angered her that she had to think this way now, but also realized it would have be the way her mind would work, living under so much uncertainty.

After her long awaited conversation with the man she once trusted and considered she was in love with, she was not sure she felt better or worse. She had been so suddenly convinced he was an evil person, and immediately now did not buy into his story about Derek being solely responsible. Yet, thinking about his improbable alibi, she felt guilty not to consider the outside chance that he might be being truthful about being blackmailed. If so, did he really deserve the terrible accusations she had leveled at him and for the most part believed? There was no question his bizarre friend Derek was capable of such a perverted thing—her female intuition had warned her about him from the beginning, but it somehow did just not match up with Jess' makeup, his sophistication and lifestyle.

He tried to be so convincing on the phone, Sarah thought. Though she knew this was his character type—immense charm. It was that very charisma she had fallen in love with. Such ability was talent, and she now realized when in the wrong hands it could be the perfect ingredient for a predator or criminal of any kind. Still, she fought with her emotions and her logical mind over the conversation. How easily it would be for her to just go on believing what he was saying. Going on loving him was dangerously inherent in her caring heart. But for that to happen now, it was truly was too late. She had been severely shaken and hurt.

Sarah fought to remain convinced that even uncertainty alone was good enough reason to get out of her relationship with Jess. To just move on, all the wiser about men. She also knew, as the weather report spoke of power outages across the coastal cities, that is was best to now relax and gather her strength and wits. She had to go on with her routine no matter the fear or how her heart was hurting. Still exposed to potential danger, she knew she must return to work and not let this avoidance of shadows get the best of her. Nevertheless, as she went around her apartment and tested all the lights, she knew it was also time to contact her friend Carrie to bring her up to speed on the night's terrifying event. It would be best to bounce Jess' pathetic alibi off her as someone trained in the behavior of liars and criminals.

Yet there unfortunately remained inside Sarah that little desperate voice coming out of her innocence and romantic heart that truly wanted the whole sordid affair to be blamed on another to totally release Jess from it. Why couldn't he just be a normal, caring person, she lamented sadly? The way she had once begun to accept him? The hardest part was that she truly still had him under her skin emotionally,  and could not totally let go of the memories of their most affectionate moments—those amazing and exciting outings he had shared with her.

And there was also the love-making. An essential element to her life which had now been closed off completely. She feared she might never again feel like being sexually intimate with anyone again. Trust, she realized, was such a huge part of sexual attraction and satisfaction for a woman, at least as Sarah had come to know it.

She sat on her sofa and with her landline phone, dialed San Francisco. It was answered immediately.

"Hi . . . Carrie?  . . . Can we talk?"

"That you, Sarah? Of course we can. I'm just doing some shitty paperwork. My most un-favorite part of this job. I'd rather be out tailing some psycho bomb-maker than writing this BS report for the agency."

"He called, Carrie."

"Yeah? Mr. Perv?"

"A little while ago."