Little Lies Big Secrets. (Novella)

Chapter 6||Two Weeks

"Find a place where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."~Joseph Campbell
***

It's been two weeks. Two weeks since that god awful party. Two weeks since Jay has spoken to me. Two weeks since I ruined everything.

Jazmin won't tell me anything. She says that it's between the two of us.  She's right, but I just wanted something. Anything.

Cameron and I are now very good friends. We talk practically every day. It's easy to share things with him. He doesn't rush me. He doesn't need answers to everything. He did ask about the writing, but I didn't give him an answer. Not yet. Now that we are friends I could see myself telling him. But I have two people who deserve to know first.

I don't know how to fix things with them. Jay won't speak to me. He won't even drive to school with me.
     Jazmin has been more distant because Jay is mad at me. She still talks to me. But she wants me to fix things with him. I just don't know how. What am I supposed to say? I don't think he wants to hear that I still don't know.

I've been on a writing high. My brain won't shut up. Which leads to words on a page. Half the things don't even make sense. It's like trying to put a puzzle together, but the final product is unknown. I want, I don't know what I want. I want normal. Or the old normal. I just want things back.

I want Jay back.

Every day I think of him calling me beautiful. I think of the pain and anger on his face. I can hear the venom in his words. I can see the sadness on his face, as he walked through those doors.

And I can remember my heart breaking.

Mom has noticed a change in my behaviour. Thanks to her being a therapist and all. I try to hide out in my room as much as possible. But certain things are mandatory. Like food, and the bathroom. And school. So as soon as I leave, there she is. She corners me with questions I don't have answers too.

Mom and dad have been going out a lot. It feels like they're avoiding me. But I don't blame them. I don't want to be around me either.

***

My room feels unfamiliar lately. The walls are plastered with words. Pages fill every open space. I was trying to solve the puzzle. But I couldn't crack the code.

Jazmin hasn't been over to hang out, so I figured no one would see them. I stare at them every day. I just want to know what I'm missing. I have an amazing memory. I have written everything that happened. But I'm missing something.

I've decided to go for a walk today. I need to clear my head. I have my earplugs in while I walk. I still need one comfort item.

I find myself at a park the three of us used to come to all the time. It has monkey bars and swings. My two favourite things. There's also a forest behind it. We would go exploring all the time. I sprained my ankle on a rock once. Dad flipped out.

I take a seat on a swing and kick the sand. It covers overtop of my converse. I watch as it falls down, mesmerized. I take out my phone and scroll through old photos. Something I've been doing a lot lately. I just want those days back.

"Ophelia?" I look up, startled. Jay is staring at me intently. His hair is a mess and he looks tired. His hands are in his pockets and his face is soft.

"Jay, hi." He walks over slowly and takes a seat. He swings lightly before talking again.

"How are you?" 

"How am I? Well, let's see. You haven't talked to me in two weeks. Jazmin won't tell me anything, and she's become more distant because she wants us to fix our problem. I haven't been able to stop writing. My room is plastered with words. I rarely leave my room. And I can't figure out what I'd did. I still can't figure it out, Jay. So, yeah, I guess I'm okay." The words just tumble out of my mouth. He has that effect on me. I just wish he would talk to me.

"Lia, I'm so sorry." He rubs his palms on his jeans, and looks away from me, not saying anything.

"So you're still not going to tell me? You know what? Fine." I get up and walk toward the forest. I know one of the paths by heart. I find the opening and walk in.

The trees comfort me. I like the feeling of being protected and free. I will admit, I'm lost. It's darker than I'm used to. I lost the path somewhere. I think I took a right, I should have gone left. I don't even know anymore.

I just want an answer, is that so hard?

Maybe it is. I mean, I haven't given him an answer about my writing. It's one of the hardest things I think about. Maybe, just maybe, what he wants to tell me is just as hard.

I lean against a tree and close my eyes. All this thinking hurts my brain.

"Oh my god, there you are." I feel arms wrap around me. I inhale the scent of cinnamon. I hold Jay close. I never want to let him go again. But I have to, well the hug at least.

"If I tell you w-why I write, will you tell me what I d-did?" I ask breathlessly.

"No, Lia. That's personal to you. When you are ready to tell me you will. I was a jerk. I was jealous of that guy, Cameron." He takes a breath and runs his hand through his hair. I desperately want to as well. "I thought you were leaving me, for him. I wanted to be the one you went to your first party with. And you told me you don't even like him. I was jealous and mad. I'm so sorry."

"I don't. But we are friends. I like him as a friend Jay. We have things in common. It's easy to talk to him. My anxiety isn't as bad. But I will not lose you to him."

"Just friends?" He bites his lip nervously.

"Yes. I am just his friend." I nod my head affirmatively.

"Okay."

And somehow that's all it took.