He was confused, to say the least. He had no idea what was going on or when it was that he started getting that somewhat atrocious yet also pleasing feeling of butterflies filling his gut whenever they were together. He didn't know when his heart started pounding when he saw him or why when they talked now he was always nervous and turned into a stuttering mess as his tongue twisted into knots as he tried to get the words out. He tried to stay calm yet always ended up sweating bullets, his knees weak and buckling and threatening to give out if they didn't end this conversation soon so he could get away.
He never thought he was gay but when all of this started to happen he began to question himself. He had only been interested in one girl but that had only lasted a week and every time he looked back on it he never understood why he liked her anyways. She hadn't even known who he was and they couldn't have been anymore unlike than they already were. He had never had any interest in guys either, but once he started getting these feelings he started to notice other things like how guy's butts often appear to be a lot more firm and how sometimes when they're sweaty then their muscles glisten underneath the lights.
It was then that he realized, he is indeed, very gay. It didn't bother him, he was still confused. When did he start getting all of these feelings and why were they there and why was he starting to care about how he looked around his friend and why did he suddenly want to hug him and hold his hand and kiss him and do other things that his mother would make him take eighteen baths in holy water if she knew he was even thinking about.
He wouldn't say he was uncomfortable because aside from a few times when he zoned out in math class and zoned back in to find a not so inconspicuous surprise waiting for him, none of this had really caused him any problems. He was still performing well on the court; in fact, he was trying even harder in hopes to impress the small boy he had somehow, somewhere along the lines, fallen for.
He wasn't sure if this was love either because he had never been in love before and he knew he couldn't ask his mother what love felt like and how she knew she was in love with his father because that would just turn into a whole mess as she tried to get him to divulge his feelings and pleads of "but Tobio, this is your first love!" whenever he refuses to tell her anything. He knew his parents were okay with it, they had told him a long time ago whenever his father's sister married a woman. He wasn't sure that they were okay with it at first, his father seemed to be very upset, but they were family and one rule of family is that love is unconditional and you will not be loved any less just because you're "different" or "untraditional" or whatever other fallacious words people want to use to make someone feel like less of a person.
He was stressed though and could hardly handle the pressure of trying to act normal around that stupid dumbass so he didn't divulge his crush on his teammate who never made things any easier for him when he would let their knees touch as they ate lunch or when he would brush hair out of his face because "then people can see your eyes" when in truth, he doesn't want people to see his eyes, he doesn't want people to see anything. He wants the earth to open up and swallow him whole so he can fall into a vast pit of nothingness and not have to face these exasperating teenage feelings that have practically taken over his entire body and made him completely unable to function as a normal human when around the bright haired middle blocker.
He cannot deal with the sunshine that radiates from his friend's smile or the excitement in his voice when he yells "Kageyama, Kageyama, Kageyama" and he cannot ignore and does not want to deal with the pit of jealousy that bubbles in his stomach and quickly boils into rage so fiery that his chest burns when he hears "look, I got a confession" because how dare someone confess to his crush.
That's the thing though. It's only a crush. A stupid, teenage, unrequited crush. He knows he can't say anything because Hinata isn't gay and even if he was he wouldn't like him because he's grumpy and scowls too much and even on the rare occasions that he smiles it's scary and once sent a child crying to her mother because "the bad man was trying to hurt me" when in reality he was just twelve and he only wanted a damn carton of milk.
