The inconsequential truth (manxman)

Intermission

WOW so almost a year on I finally felt the need to continue this story. yay. Just wanna let you guys know how much I appreciate all your comments, really! they mean so much and while they're not the reason I write, they sure to make it worth while. SO hope you enjoy. This is only a teeny tiny chap that I wrote back before I stopped this story last year. I felt the need to publish it but after this will be the more recent, updated story line. Hopefully it's not too inconsistent. love you guys xx

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I had never seen anything - let alone a city - quite so glamorous, ever before in my life. Nor had I ever dreamed of spending an entire week in its confines, experiencing a "regular" life just like any other, for what was really the first time. As such, I should have been filled with excitement at the endless possibilities that lay out before me; should have been determined to make every moment count.

Should have.

When Julius, Conner and I reached the hotel in which we were to reside for that coming month; while they let out a cheer of joy, I simply collapsed on the couch overlooking the bustling streets bellow. 

We could party, drink, meet beautiful girls, go to the clubs we had only ever dreamed of... It was supposed to be amazing and everything was looking bright! Or that was how we had planned it, how we had pictured it in our minds for weeks prior.

But it seemed that like any seemingly perfect plan, there was one down side and it was worrying me more with each passing moment. I hadn't felt Krutz since the night before. 

I hadn't felt him there in my head, he hadn't growled at me once not to leave the camp as he always did when I tried, he hadn't even mewled at me that morning as I woke up to say hi, as was his common practice. 

He was silent, completely still. 

Strangely enough the loneliness I felt as a result was beginning to put me on edge. It was for that reason alone that I was truly worried. Could it be that he might still be angry at me for leaving the creep behind in the snow?

Yet such a ridiculous reason did not sound likely, not for Krutz. He had been mad before, especially when we were younger, but never had he become so completely silent as he was now. This was new, and it was worrying. It was almost like he had died.

The whole day I worried about it, and that in turn sucked all the enjoyment out of the new experiences. We dropped our bags and belongings at the apartment, and he was completely silent. We unpacked in our small, yet manageable rooms and he made not a single noise. 

We dressed and once again waltzed out the door and as I half-heartedly smiled and laughed with the guys, the hollow in my heart continued to grow in his absence.

That evening at the clubs, with the beautiful young women gyrating against us and the alcohol flowing like blood through our veins, I felt nothing but the numbing sadness that I had always fought so hard to eradicate from my life. 

The depression, the worry, the anxiety... The pain. We stayed there for hours, until there was a shout out and we were exiting the front door; delirious and purely intoxicated. There was a beautifully refreshing tinge of pink shading the sky, drawing eyes toward the slowly awakening morning.

At the nearest phone booth, we called a taxi that took long minutes to arrive and from the seats inside we gawked again at the proven beauty of the city that morning. 

When finally we arrived home and both other boys fled to their rooms to sleep and piss off the toxins in their systems, I fought against my pulsating heart as I sat on the bed, eyes wide and limbs twitching at the profound loss and resulting sickness.

It was clear that I was experiencing the long-forgotten beginning signs of an anxiety attack - something I had not experienced in some time and had expected never to, since. As my body and mind shut down and my vision went completely white, I was sure I heard the faint resonances of hollow screams and shouted curses.

It was an irregular occurrence for me, to be in such a state. I had thought my mind had been well healed since I entered the circus. According to Master, I had been left on the door step of his circus with many serious psychological 'issues'. 

This constructed of a delicious mix of sleeping, eating and even speaking issues and deficiencies. Apparently I would wake every night that I dared to sleep with roaring fits; screaming and crying for something; or perhaps someone, that did not and would never exist. I had been classified as mental by numerous people and, though none had fit the credentials necessary to properly make such an assumption, it had not been hard to see the truth.

I lived with that though and I got through it but it took many years before I was fully healed. It was around the time I first met Krutz that I began sleeping full nights again and eating full meals and speaking aloud, if even only just a word or two. 

I still remember meeting him the first time. I had been awake and it was early morning, maybe one or two am, and i was sitting on the grass outside camp next to a tree with tears streaming my face exhausted and angry but unable to sleep once again. 

And then i had heard him, felt his soft paws almost walking through my subconscious as he began purring deeply and contentedly. Wherever he walked I grew calm, until I was so relaxed and still and exhausted that I had collapsed beside the tree right there in the grass and hadn't woken again for over 38 hours. 

I'd worried Master sick, but it had been the best day of my life.

Ever since then, Krutz had always been right there with me making me whole and now, with him gone, I was quickly falling to pieces. 

All I could think was what the hell I was going to do if he never showed himself again. 

It would only have been a few minutes later that I was startled back into wakefulness, though it felt like an eternity. First thing I saw was the blank, slate grey tiles I was pressed again, even before I felt the shivers encroaching me. Then I looked down around from my low perch, realising too slowly that that my hands were not hands but large paws and my body was that of a large cat; likely a leopard.

I still couldn't hear Krutz though and the room was full of people and I didn't recognise any of them and just as the terror set in, everything when pitch black.

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yes that was it. Short I know, but dont worry Ill be right back with more. Leave your messages and remarks below xx