Plans with Tyler

17. Love Hurts

Bella's POV

I'm sick of it. I've been awake for less than 24 hours and I'm sick of it. Everyone is giving me a pitiful luck every time they look at me. Our moms have been in and out of the hospital with us for more than a day now. What's more shocking is that Jamie and Brielle have been here too. They are sitting next to each other without crying and fighting. Neither of them is speaking though. Tyler hasn't left my side, but I wish he would. His face hasn't lifted out of my neck. My poor baby is miserable and I can't look at him any longer knowing it's my fault. His tears disappeared hours ago, but the pain on his face hasn't.

"Ty", I kissed his forehead not expecting much of an answer. He hasn't spoken too much. "You and Jamie should go for a walk. Maybe get something to eat. I'm worried about you", I rubbed his back and kissed him again. He looked up at me and nodded while slowly getting up. He pecked my lips and left the room with Jamie's hand on his shoulder.

My mom and Jackie decided to go back to our house for an hour or two. So, I just sat there with Bri.

"Don't listen to a word Jamie says. He loves you more than anything. I think you should speak to him calmly", I said to Brielle.

"I don't know", she shrugged.

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Jamie's POV

I sat in the hospital cafeteria with Tyler watching him pick at a brownie for the last 20 minutes. He refused to eat anything else. All he kept saying was that he wasn't hungry, which was hard to believe considering Tyler is always hungry and hasn't eat in over a day.

"Tyler please talk to me", he looked up at me with no expression. "I'm worried about you", I said.

"Well please stop worrying. Stop looking at me with that same sorry look everyone else looks at me with. Nobody can find out about this because the media is horrible, so keep it away from the team",Tyler said.

"Tyler, I know that isn't what's bothering you. You need to say everything to me that you won't tell your fiancé because you are too scared to upset her", I took the brownie away from him.

"It's not the only thing. It's the last of many, but this is the first time I'm in public since it happened. That's the first thing that comes to mind in public. I don't need players or the media bringing it up to get in my head", Tyler was getting more upset as he spoke. "And you are in your own situation. You don't need my problems on your shoulders too", he shook his head.

"I'll always be here for my best friend, no matter what is going on in my life. This whole thing with- with- you know the baby is making me regret my decision to let go of Brielle", Tyler looked up at me with a confused look.

"How", he asked.

"Well- ugh. I can't talk to you about this. I can't upset you more", I said worrying about speaking too much about the miscarriage.

"No, tell me Jamie. Trust me when I say that I'm numb at this point. Nothing could really make me any more upset and miserable", Tyler said. I could feel his pain in my own heart. That baby was going to be my niece and I'm devastated. I don't even think I can imagine the amount of hurt that he's feeling.

"Fine. I guess I just realized how things could change so quickly. I could lose someone or something I love so quickly and have no control over it. I don't want to lose Brielle like that", I said feeling bad for bringing up everything he's lost in the last day.

"Yea, well whether you lose Brielle or not is in your control right now.  So don't lose her. I think the worst part in all of this is not being able to control what happened. I'm supposed to protect my fiancé and my child. Even though losing her was out of my control I feel so guilty. I feel like there was something I could have done. I'm her father, I'm supposed to take care of her and protect her. So don't lose Brielle while you still have her. Jamie she still loves you, so you still have a chance", Tyler said to me with no emotion. He really was numb, but everything he was saying is true. I'm an idiot for thinking that Brielle would be okay with breaking up.

"Thanks man. I'm going to fix it. Now lets get back upstairs to Bella. I'm sure she needs you", I said standing up and patting his back.

"She probably needs something to eat. Let me get something first", he said walking back to the food area.

As Tyler decided on what to get he zoned out on something. I could see his eyes get glossy again. I walked over to the area he was at and found him starring at a pack of peanuts. I knew exactly what he was thinking about and I can feel myself getting emotional.

"Ty-", I reach my hand toward him, but didn't finish my sentence. It was interrupted by him bro hugging me and crying into my shoulder. Never in a million years would I ever see the Tyler Seguin cry, but here he was looking at me for comfort.

"Everything will be okay Tyler. Just give it time. Let's get the fruit for Bella and go. I'm sure laying down with her will ease some pain", he nodded and walked away.

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Bella's POV

I was finally home and in bed with Tyler. It was about midnight and neither of us could sleep. We've been laying here for 2 hours without a word. Tyler kept wanting to hold me, but I wouldn't let him. I wanted to let him hold me, but I just couldn't.
I still feel so guilty for losing our baby girl. As much as he tells me that it's not my fault, I can't believe him.

I was laying on my back as Tyler laid on his stomach to my right. I stared at the ceiling feeling Tyler stare at me. The moonlight allowed me to see a tear drop run down his cheek when I looked his way. Reaching over, I wiped the tear away and grabbed his hand that rested on the pillow.

He whispered a raspy, "I love you".

My throat tightened and my face began to burn as I tried to force a smile onto it. I just looked back at the ceiling, knowing that the smile never showed. Tears started to run down my own face.

That tiny, peanut sized little girl was our world. She was something that we created together. Something that was loved so unconditionally. We never even named her or got to see her adorable face. We never had the chance to hold her, to kiss her or to really show her that we love her. Knowing this broke my heart, but Tyler knowing this broke him completely. I would do anything to look into her eyes. I would do anything to be able to see my man hold his own daughter.

Tyler was exhausted. His eyes were fluttering open and then shutting again. I turned to kiss his eye lids shut, leaving my lips there until his tense body relaxed. The grip he had on my hand eased, telling me that he fell asleep. I moved away from him again. I thought about letting go of his  hand, but I didn't have it in me.

The room was silent, except for the faint banging on the wall and moans I could hear. At least one good thing came out of this. Brielle and Jamie were forced to spend time together which led to them making up. I guess that's exactly what they are doing right now, they were making up right now.

Hearing them was pushing me over the edge. I was happy that my two best friends were happy. It just drives me insane thinking that what they are doing right now, created the situation Tyler are in right now.

That thing that they are doing is love. Tyler and I love each other. Unfortunately, love hurts. Love hurts and that's why I need time alone. I need space to breathe and to forget how much I love Tyler. Usually, my love for Tyler hurts in a good way. Right now, that love is eating me alive. Right now, that love doesn't feel good and I have a feeling it won't feel good for a long time.

I have to leave. I have to leave first thing in the morning.