I Won't Give Up

Chapter 12

I'm sorry I'm a week late with my update! I went to Virginia beach. It was beautiful and I was able to think of ideas for the story. Enjoy!


Chapter 12

*Louis POV*

As soon as we got on the plane Harry fell asleep. I was left thinking about everything. My family knows nothing which is how it is staying, the boys think I'm a nut job, and Harry apparently loves me. I'm so confused. I have no idea where Eleanor is and I have no idea what is going to happen.

The only thing that came to my mind was to write Harry a letter. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to die. At this point I don't care what happens. I just want everyone to stop worrying about me. It's like I'm a baby. I hate it. I just want to run away so they forget about me. Then I can die without anyone knowing until years later.

As I thought about everything I wrote more into the letter. The letter was pretty emotional if I say so myself considering he would read it one day when I was dead. I couldn't help but let a few tears slip. I looked up next to me to see a girl about 13 looking at me.

"Louis?" She said. I nodded. "Why are you sad and writing to Harry? He's right next to you."

"Well love, it's very complicated. You will see in time. It's nothing to worry about. Would you like a picture because I'm not sure how many more I will be doing." She smiled and nodded her head. Her mom took a picture and I signed her phone for her before I resumed to my letter.

"We will be landing in 10 minutes. Please put your seat belts on."

I put my seat belt on and watched Harry stir and put his on.

"Lou why are you crying?"

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine." He looked down at my hands and saw the letter folded up.

"What is that? Why is my name on it?" He asked with a confused and tired expression.

"One day you will read it Harry. Trust me. When we are older and sick, you will read it." He smiled and cuddled into my shoulder.

I'm so confused. I don't want to leave him. I don't understand why I feel this way though. It makes no sense. I just need to stop thinking about it.

**********

We pulled up to our hotel in the car we rented, and it was absolutely gorgeous.

"Wow Harry! Look at this place! It's absolutely beautiful!"

It was all glass windows, so that meant an ocean view from every room.

"Lou we are on the top floor! And there is an infinity pool!"

"That's incredible! Thank you Harry."

We put all our luggage on a cart, checked in and went up to our room. The room was huge! There was a living room with a pullout couch and a flat screen tv, a bathroom with a double sink vanity, a spa tub and a stall shower, and a bedroom with two king beds and a flat screen tv. Off of the bedroom was a wrap around porch leading back into the living room that looked over the ocean.

"Wow this is amazing!" I said in awe. I ran and jumped onto the bed. "ARE THESE TEMPUR PEDIC?!" I was officially in heaven. This place was amazing.

"LET'S GO TO THE BEACH-EACH LET'S GO GET AWAY!" Harry sang. I laughed and grabbed my suitcase. I threw it open and grabbed my bathing suit. As I got dressed, Harry watched me.

"Lou? You cut your thighs too?" I nodded and continued getting dressed. "When's the last time you cut?" He asked.

"Yesterday Harry." He looked down and stayed quiet. It is what it is. It's not like everything will be fine in a day.

"You ready Lou?" I nodded and followed him out the door. We finally got to the first floor and were able to walk right out onto the beach. "I'll race you there!" Harry yelled. We both sprinted to the edge of the water, throwing our towels in the process.

"I win!" I shouted as I dove through the water. The best part about the Caribbean was the no waves aspect, so we wouldn't get trampled. When I came up for air, I looked around and couldn't find Harry. "Harry?" All of a sudden I got pulled under. When I came back up he was laughing.

"Got you!"

"Harry! I thought I lost you!" He continued to laugh. "And we didn't put sunblock on!" He sighed and we both got out. We dried off quickly so we could spray the sunblock on.

"Lou can you spray my back?" I grabbed the can.

"Sure! Really Harry? 50? Are you kidding me? I'm only putting on 15!" I sprayed his back and then sprayed myself. "Now can you do mine?"

"Of course! Wouldn't want my Loubear getting burnt!" I smirked.

When he finished, I looked up to see a family of three looking at me. There was a mom, a dad, and a daughter who was about 8.

"Daddy? Why does that boy have all those weird marks on him?"

"Those are bad honey. They are scars and they stay on you forever. They make you look ugly and usually when people have them they deserve them."

"So why does he have them daddy?"

"Because he is worthless and no one cares about him so he did that to himself."

"Oh. Daddy that's sad."

I couldn't help but let the tears fall. Everything he said was absolutely right. I couldn't hear anything but my own cries. I couldn't hear the seagulls. I couldn't hear the people. I couldn't hear Harry screaming at the man. The only thing I could do was curl into a ball and listen to my own cries.

After a few minutes I felt Harry's hand rub small circles on my back. He leaned down and slowly unraveled me from my ball and into a hug.

"It's okay Lou. Let's go back to the room and you can shower while I go shop for food to make dinner." I nodded and slowly gathered my stuff following him back to our room. "I'll be right back. Stay safe."

As soon as he left I broke down again. I picked up my phone and dialed Niall's number.

"Hey Lou! How are you?! How's St. Thomas?" I sniffled. "Louis what's wrong?"

"Niall I can't do this! I don't know how I'm going to last until Harry's birthday! Even people I'be never met before think I'm a fucking worthless piece of shit. I can't do this anymore Niall. I'm in so much emotional pain. I just want to end things."

The other end was quiet for a little while. I heard a deep breath and a long exhale. "Well Lou, if it's what you want I'm not stopping you, but I'm not hanging up." I heard him sniffle a bit.

"Niall, I can't do it with you on the phone with me."

"Then don't do it at all Lou. Please. Stay with us. We love you." He hung up the phone. I continued to cry. I went to my suitcase and grabbed my toiletries bag on top. I pulled out my pocket knife and started to cut as I made my way to the bathroom. Blood dropped from my arms everywhere. I ran out of room after the thirtieth cut on each arm, so I started on my legs. Each cut was out of anger, hatred, sadness. I hate myself so much. Why can't I just die?

I started to feel woozy as I continued to make marks on my skin. I heard the door slam open and closed and then Harry yelling my name before I blacked out.


*Harry's POV*

I left the hotel to go to the supermarket that was right down the road. I planned on getting a few necessities since we were staying for quite a while. For dinner tonight I was just going to make penne in vodka sauce. It was easy to make. Throughout the car ride and shopping trip, I couldn't stop thinking about the beach.

That man who said that about Lou got me so mad. I yelled at him for a good 15 minutes telling him how he knew nothing about him and his story an had no right judging him that way. It was beyond rude. I wonder how Lou was now. Speaking of, my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID and saw Niall's name.

"Hey Ni! What's up?"

"Harry where are you?"

"I'm at the store getting food. Why?" I asked confused.

"You aren't with Lou?"

"Nope." I popped the "p".

"Shit. Harry he just called me. He is an absolute mess talkin about how he wants t kill himself. I think ya need t get back t the hotel now. I'm really worried about him. I told him go ahead. But he said he wouldn't with me on the phone with him. So I hung up. And. Now. I. Called. You. Shit." Realization hit him towards the end because his words weren't spoken as fast.

"NIALL WHY DIDN'T YOU STAY ON THE PHONE WITH HIM?!"

"Yeah that's what I just figured out."

"Shit Ni, on the plane he wrote a letter to me and he said I would get it one day, I just have to wait."

"You need t find it mate. Go back t Lou. Talk t ya later! Let me know what happens!"

I ran towards the self checkout, paid and ran out the store. I threw everything in the car and took off towards to hotel. I didn't bother looking for a parking spot. I took a random one and ran towards the elevator. I finally reached the top floor and raced down the hall reaching our door. I threw the door open.

"LOUIS!" I screamed. I didn't get a response. I went straight to the bathroom and saw him laying in a pool of blood. "Shit Lou." He didn't lose enough blood to get rushed to a hospital. I filled the bathtub with warm water and undressed him. I placed him in and watched the dry blood leave his skin. Some of his cuts were still bleeding but they were stopping. I wiped them down and cleaned them with soap. Next, I counted them as I dried him. He had 30 on his right arm, 25 on his left. There were 40 on his right thigh and 45 on his left. It was absolutely horrible the amount of cuts on his body. I examined the rest if his body to see if there were other mark or scars. I noticed burn marks on his chest and a deep cut on his side. I'll ask him about that tomorrow. I grabbed rubbing alcohol and Neosporin that I packed with me and started to apply it to all of the cuts. I was glad he passed out because this would have been painful. I wrapped his cuts up and dressed him in pyjamas. I carried him to bed and let him sleep. I sent a quick text to Niall telling him what happened before heading to the living room.

My poor broken boy. I need to fix him. He can't kill himself. He has to stay strong and stay alive for us and for his family and the fans. In order to fix him, I need to find that letter.



Hi guys :) I hope you enjoyed that chapter! Let me know what you think! ~Taylor